In a recent study published jointly by the NAACP and the NCAA, it has been found that those possessing firearms illegally have a penis, on average, three inches longer.
“It’s true,” said Rebecca Haywood, spokeswoman and study researcher. “I’ve seen every man through this detention center in the past month, and I have to say, guys who don’t have [concealed license] permits are bigger in the penis by two standard deviations.”
When asked about non-standard deviations, her assistant produced a binder of photographs showing some fairly, and even dramatically, unusual deviations.
She asked if this answered our question, but what question it was had somehow been lost and forgotten. As if to punctuate the pregnant pause, her assistant flashed another, particularly gruesome and non-standard deviation, which lead to another awkward pause.
“It’s a fact,” said Michael Hawk, spokesman for the Smaller Guns Coalition, a group founded to get high-caliber arms off the streets.
“Call it what you like, but the truth is that the guys committing violent crimes with unlicensed firearms have larger penises. That means we need to regulate guys with needlessly big penises.”
Self-professed mentally ill person Wayne LaPierre, who got himself a Vietnam deferral for his mental illness, said, “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a big dick, is a good guy with a white dick.”
This study has yet to undergo peer review, but according to Cheyenne Panda, a professional penis analyst at the Hilton-adjacent Deja Vu, “black guys definitely don’t have gun permits,” adding, “now shut your face and stuff some money where it would make your mama cry.”
It is also alleged that women attracted to men with illegal guns have larger breasts, buttock regions, and orgasms.
Much much much less on this story as it develops.
He’s not just stubby, he’s a self-described mentally ill person. That’s how he managed to duck out of the draft, that coward. It’s either freedom or it isn’t, and he chose that it isn’t. What a spineless pile of garbage.