Man Flicking Hair off Kindle Screen Plunges Self Right into IMDb Spoilers Section

BOISE, ID—While browsing the Internet Movie Database on his Kindle Saturday evening, transit vehicle inspector Ted Coakley reportedly set out to remove a hair from the screen of the device by flicking it, causing him to plummet well into the spoilers section of trivia he was in the middle of reading.

“I just froze,” said Coakley. Read more Man Flicking Hair off Kindle Screen Plunges Self Right into IMDb Spoilers Section

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Senator Cruz Collapses During Affordable Care Act Filibuster, Needs Obamacare to Recover

While attempting a filibuster in Congress to stamp out the Affordable Care Act, snarkily known as the Obamacare bill by conservatives, Republican Senator Ted Cruz collapsed 15 hours into the epic attempt to derail the legislation.

Cruz, an ardent Tea Partyer, is rabid that the congressional bill that would create universal health care in the U.S. should be defeated. However, after 15 hours into his blockage of any action by Congress, he suddenly clutched his chest and passed to the floor. Read more Senator Cruz Collapses During Affordable Care Act Filibuster, Needs Obamacare to Recover

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Senator Ted Cruz Mutilated by Radical Liberals

Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) was admitted to the Specialty Hospital Of Washington in Washington DC, missing his nose confirmed party spokeswoman Eileen Wright.

A visibly stunned Ms Wright kept shaking her head, but managed to tell reporters that earlier that evening Senator Cruz had a pimple develop on the edge of his nose, right by the nostril and we all know what an irritation that is, and panicked. Read more Senator Ted Cruz Mutilated by Radical Liberals

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Full-Time Mom ‘Looking to Go Part-Time’

INDIANAPOLIS – Full-time mother of three, Stephanie Grantham, 22, has indicated to friends and relatives that she is about to go part-time in an effort to advance her dwindling social life.

Miss Grantham, who has spent 5 years managing her children’s daily lives on a rolling seven day week, says she is looking to reduce her hours so that she can spend more time concentrating on shopping, hanging out with friends and consuming alcohol. Read more Full-Time Mom ‘Looking to Go Part-Time’

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Architects Debate Positive Uses of Nerve Gas

Today in Geneva the International Architects Association (the I. A. ASS) met to discuss their position on the use of nerve gas in warfare. Two factions have argued repeatedly about the issue, but never adopting a formal stance to lobby the United Nations for action.

Spokesman for I. A. ASS, Thomas Buildungsroman, said, “It is obvious we need to come to a consensus to move forward.” The heart of issue is the preservation of architectural sites. Nerve gas kills all the residents and leaves all the buildings intact. Read more Architects Debate Positive Uses of Nerve Gas

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Dead Teen Suddenly Most Popular Kid in School

CUMBERLAND – Josh Stasiak, the tragic 13-year-old who was killed in an accident on the corner of Washington St and German Church Rd Wednesday, is suddenly the most popular kid at the school he attended since 2008.

According to sources at West Cumberland Junior High, Stasiak, who was entering his final year at the school, is “in the thoughts” of all those who knew him on a day-to-day basis. Read more Dead Teen Suddenly Most Popular Kid in School

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Overpass for Impeachment Collapses

Karma struck on the I-5 Interstate in Carlsbad, California yesterday when one of the “Overpasses for Impeachment” collapsed, sending 12 people to the hospital.

According to federal databases, the freeway overpass had recently been graded “functionally obsolete” but still legally safe to drive on from the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) as recently as September 2009. Read more Overpass for Impeachment Collapses

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