UFO Sightings Reignite Debate Over Whether Intelligent Life Exists in Indiana

SCOTTSBURG – Following a spate of UFO sightings across southern Indiana Wednesday, debate has intensified once more over whether or not intelligent life exists inside the Hoosier State.

Several disc-shaped crafts hovering over Scottsburg, Indiana were reported to local media yesterday, while as many as three Hoosiers claimed to have been kidnapped briefly by extraterrestrials.

According to psychologists at Indiana University, the claims appear to add weight to the argument that the state is devoid of any sort of sophisticated lifeforms.

“When you have almost two hundred people coming forward to report visions of flying saucers and advanced alien beings, eventually you start to sit up and take notice,” said Professor Melissa Short. “It’s a clear indication that the vast population of intelligent living organisms we once thought existed on the surface of present day Indiana may not exist after all.”

“The idea that Carl Sidcup – a mailman from Jeffersonville – could firmly believe he was abducted by alien lifeforms and subjected to horrible sexual scientific experiments leads you to draw only one conclusion: Mr Spock is truly alone in the universe.”

Dismissing the findings as “baseless science”, however, Author and respected local biologist Michael Deschamps insisted that, while there is no proof for the existence of advanced Indiana-dwelling lifeforms, recent studies at the Indianapolis Zoo point to the possibility that “a group of rational-thinking bipedal creatures might be roaming the surface as we speak.”

“They’re called chimpanzees,” said Deschamps. “We might be able to learn a thing or two from chimpanzees.”

The sightings come in the same week that an Indianapolis woman claimed to see the image of Jesus in a can of Spaghetti, prompting many to believe that the Lord Christ is set to return to Earth and smite the individual for being a moron.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

7 thoughts on “UFO Sightings Reignite Debate Over Whether Intelligent Life Exists in Indiana

  1. People who’ve seen these craft know 100% that they are real
    (even hyper-real) . For people who haven’t seen them – it is entirely understandable that they find the whole concept difficult to take in – as in one way it invalidates their current world-view.

    But opinions do not change facts.

    Many people will kick and scream and uses the vilest tactics to belittle and initimidate others – purely and simply because they feel so threatened.

    To those in the I’m-determined-to-expose-these-charatans-and-air-heads camp – Relax ,take a deep breath, realise that nothing is as it seems be.

    Go some place where no one is watching , be a little humble. just ask yourself ‘what if I am wrong?’

  2. I love the fact that this 'academic' is presented with 200 people saying the same thing and the responce is to call them stupid without researching what they have stated.

    Time for retirement Proffesor Short.

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