Senator Ted Cruz Mutilated by Radical Liberals

Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) was admitted to the Specialty Hospital Of Washington in Washington DC, missing his nose confirmed party spokeswoman Eileen Wright.

A visibly stunned Ms Wright kept shaking her head, but managed to tell reporters that earlier that evening Senator Cruz had a pimple develop on the edge of his nose, right by the nostril and we all know what an irritation that is, and panicked.

Fearing the pimple was a first of many in a liberal conspiracy to ruin his looks after his epic twenty-one hour talkathon, the Senator cut off his nose to stop the liberals from gaining a foothold on his face.

Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh have rushed to his side and released statements claiming they have evidence tying the pimple to the Boston Bombers, the Clintons, and the Amnesty Movement in Tucson, Arizona and therefore the president. Ms Wright thanked God for his government funded health care and then sang a verse of “Oh Canada,” before refusing to take any more questions.

Author: jdmathes

Jerry D. Mathes II is a Jack Kent Cooke Scholar alumnus. He is the author of The Journal West: Poems, an essay collection, Fever and Guts: A Symphony, and a memoir, Ahead of the Flaming Front: A Life on Fire, about his experiences fighting wildfire. He has received Special Mention for Fiction in The Pushcart Prize XXXI, XXXIV and XXXV along with several other nominations, had an essay listed as notable in Best American Essays, a story listed as notable in Best of the West, as well as other awards. He loves his two daughters very much.