Posted in Politics

USA on High Alert As Bushes Threaten Yet Another Bush In Office

News sources have concurred that not one, but two other members of the Bush family are threatening to seek political seats in 2016. The same family who brought you Bush I, Iraq War I and Bush the Second, Iraq War…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! USA on High Alert As Bushes Threaten Yet Another Bush In Office
Posted in Society

Nation’s Evil Clowns Rally Against Murderous Stereotype

ANN ARBOR, MI—In response to recent stirs caused by the “Northampton Clown,” several members of the group Sensible Tricksters Against Bias gathered in the parking lot of an Ann Arbor area Home Depot to promote awareness that not all evil…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Nation’s Evil Clowns Rally Against Murderous Stereotype
Posted in Politics World News

Israel/Palestine Tentatively Agree to Two-State Solution

Our writer Barb Weir has been faithfully advocated peace both on Glossy News and directly to world leaders. What follows is an exclusive, and one provided to us on the strict confidence that we would not release it until the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Israel/Palestine Tentatively Agree to Two-State Solution
Posted in Human Interest

How to initiate a Twerk Session

It’s a Friday night. Classes went well because you didn’t drool on your desk when you fell asleep during the lecture in Philosophy class, and the girl who sits behind you agreed to go to a house party with you…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! How to initiate a Twerk Session
Posted in Society

Study Confirms Every Slight Embarrassment from Middle School to Haunt You on Your Deathbed

COLLEGE PARK, MD—According to a recent study from the University of Maryland, an overwhelming majority of patients on their deathbed were consumed by every single slightly embarrassing or awkward moment from their middle school years. Highly distraught over each and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Study Confirms Every Slight Embarrassment from Middle School to Haunt You on Your Deathbed
Posted in Health

HIV Cured in Monkeys, People Who Have Sex Exclusively With Monkeys

PORTLAND, Ore. — Researchers at Oregon Health and Science University have developed a vaccine capable of clearing an HIV-like virus from primate test subjects and which is being hailed as a breakthrough discovery for people who have sex exclusively with…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! HIV Cured in Monkeys, People Who Have Sex Exclusively With Monkeys
Posted in Politics War Zone

America’s Toughest Sheriff to Serve Border Duty in Syria

As violence continues to escalate in the Middle East, millions of refugees have been sent packing to neighboring countries. Many with no other choice but to illegally cross borders. Not one to take illegal border crossings lightly, self-billed “America’s Toughest…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! America’s Toughest Sheriff to Serve Border Duty in Syria
Posted in War Zone

Syria & the Ever-Changing Face of American Patriotism & International Responsibility

The American psyche sometimes goes through amazing changes. 12 years ago we couldn’t wait to get our hands on that ultimate harbinger of evil Saddam Hussein and his dire WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION (GASP!!!!!!!) and to send his bad self…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Syria & the Ever-Changing Face of American Patriotism & International Responsibility
Posted in News In Your Briefs Politics

Obama to cut education funding in “polarizing” move

In a highly polarizing move, President Obama announced he is using his executive powers to cut federal education funding by 50% in order to install polarized windows in the White House. When reached for comment, President Obama said: “In order…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama to cut education funding in “polarizing” move
Posted in Politics

Wiretap Program ‘Proof That Government Listens to the People’

WASHINGTON – Countering suggestions that it is “out of touch” with the average American, the United States Government today declared that it always strives to listen to the voice of the people – citing its warrantless wiretap program as evidence….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Wiretap Program ‘Proof That Government Listens to the People’