Architects Debate Positive Uses of Nerve Gas

Today in Geneva the International Architects Association (the I. A. ASS) met to discuss their position on the use of nerve gas in warfare. Two factions have argued repeatedly about the issue, but never adopting a formal stance to lobby the United Nations for action.

Spokesman for I. A. ASS, Thomas Buildungsroman, said, “It is obvious we need to come to a consensus to move forward.” The heart of issue is the preservation of architectural sites. Nerve gas kills all the residents and leaves all the buildings intact.

“It’s only as if the people are sleeping and not the mess of scattered body parts or people trapped in rubble,” a high-ranking member said on condition of anonymity. “We preserve the cultural past of a society and as a bonus the clean up time is a lot less, so the tourists can to enjoy the sites faster.”

The other faction supports saturation bombing so as to provide opportunities for architectural firms. “Literally, millions dollars could be made if we just allowed warring armies to bomb each other back to the Stone Age,” Buildungsroman said to reporters as he put finger quotes around Stone Age.

“The pro-gas side has a good point in the preservation of some sites as unique and special. I am hopeful we can draft a resolution that would delineate which areas would be free for chemical weapons use and which would be better suited to bombing.” He added, “It’ll still be tough. Some people just want to bomb the hell out of everything.”

When asked about the human cost of using nerve gas, Buildungsroman waved it off. “The contractors and suppliers are always out to gouge us. We will deal with that cost in contract negotiations. Right now we have to stay focused on the real issue of what’s best for us as an organization.”

Author: jdmathes

Jerry D. Mathes II is a Jack Kent Cooke Scholar alumnus. He is the author of The Journal West: Poems, an essay collection, Fever and Guts: A Symphony, and a memoir, Ahead of the Flaming Front: A Life on Fire, about his experiences fighting wildfire. He has received Special Mention for Fiction in The Pushcart Prize XXXI, XXXIV and XXXV along with several other nominations, had an essay listed as notable in Best American Essays, a story listed as notable in Best of the West, as well as other awards. He loves his two daughters very much.