Glenn Beck Saves TheBlaze by Not Offering Sarah Palin Job

God knows I love her, but we can’t have that kinda crazy around here ~ Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck says that when he heard Sarah Palin was leaving Fox News, he couldn’t have been happier.

“Now she will make something of herself, like I did,” he said proudly, adding “There is, after all, life after Fox.”

When Beck was fired from Fox back in the middle of 2011, many wondered if he’d ever recover from that mighty slap in the face by Roger Ailes. They aren’t wondering any longer, however. The answer is “No, he didn’t recover…yet.” Read more Glenn Beck Saves TheBlaze by Not Offering Sarah Palin Job

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Study Finds Earth May Once Have Harbored Intelligent Life

BOSTON, MA – A 5-year study carried out by Harvard University’s Geological department has determined that, at some point in its relatively recent history, the planet Earth likely supported intelligent life.

Analysis drawn from a collection of rock samples taken from our home planet’s equator has revealed traces of water dating back 20 years, prompting theories that advanced lifeforms – capable of cognitive behavior, intelligent discourse and logical debate – once existed on Earth. Read more Study Finds Earth May Once Have Harbored Intelligent Life

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‘Breaking Bad’ Candy Store Now Offering Build-Your-Own Meth Lab Play Set

NEW MEXICO–Somewhere in the quiet suburbs of Albuquerque, set against the backdrop of the Sandia mountain range, a small confectionery store just “broke bad”. Again.

The same store that brought your kids the beloved blue meth candy is proud to announce the Build-Your-Own Meth Lab Game (with expansion kit – for ages 6 and up). Read more ‘Breaking Bad’ Candy Store Now Offering Build-Your-Own Meth Lab Play Set

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Marcus Bachmann Furiously Gerrymandering Hetero Lines

Conservative icon and shockingly good dancer Marcus Bachmann is in the news again, following allegations that he had inappropriate contact with one of his “patients” at his “pray the gay away” clinic.

“Well we all know what’s straight and what isn’t,” said Davis Germaine, attorney for the victim. “But it seems he wants to redraw the lines for what is and isn’t gay in a way more favorable to him.” Read more Marcus Bachmann Furiously Gerrymandering Hetero Lines

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Obama Resigns… Almost

In a surprise announcement, Barack Obama has decided to step down. Foregoing the balance of his second term, the President will pass on the executive reins of government to his vice president, Joe Biden.

Obama revealed his decision during his latest Sunday radio address. After outlining a progressive agenda for the next four years, he sighed and simply said that he didn’t have the patience or will to carry through with those plans. Read more Obama Resigns… Almost

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SNL Caught ‘Rounding Second’ with Obama–World Shocked

The signs, though subtle and unseen by many, were always there. The episode before last of the much loved, sketch comedy TV show only underscored the true reality of their relationship.

After Seth Meyers, the Weekend Update news anchor, more than adequately roasted a few Republican politicians, he then began commenting on the president’s inauguration. And, ostensibly, he made a few extremely harmless but funny quips about Biden photo-bombing the president, etc. Read more SNL Caught ‘Rounding Second’ with Obama–World Shocked

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Heavy Sigh as Obesity Vaccine Wins FDA Approval

Fast Food Restaurants Go Ahead With Even More Bacon Options in Kids Meals

Washington, DC – The Food and Drug Administration has given final approval on a vaccine that, when administered at a young age, will allow children to eat anything they want without gaining any fat. The obesity vaccine was developed in answer to the failed USDA’s MyPlate program, which replaced the even more disastrous MYPyramid Food Chart, both of which have done little to curtail the rising epidemic of obesity in America. Read more Heavy Sigh as Obesity Vaccine Wins FDA Approval

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