In a surprise announcement, Barack Obama has decided to step down. Foregoing the balance of his second term, the President will pass on the executive reins of government to his vice president, Joe Biden.
Obama revealed his decision during his latest Sunday radio address. After outlining a progressive agenda for the next four years, he sighed and simply said that he didn’t have the patience or will to carry through with those plans.
“Let’s face it,” said Obama. “All those right wing nutbars in the House and Senate are going to do everything in their power to defeat my proposals. Why would I want to put myself through that living hell?”
Faced with four years of exasperation and frustration, he opted instead to pack it in. He will officially step down next Monday at noon, at which time Joe Biden will take the oath of office.
“I guess I could have stuck it out for another term,” said Obama. “But it just didn’t look like fun and I’d really like to get to the good stuff like book offers, speaking tours and that big fat presidential pension. Plus, I know Joe really wants the job.”
Faced with the prospect of a President Biden, House Speaker John Boehner and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell have apparently done a complete one-eighty on their positions related to Obama’s legislative agenda.
“OK, OK, we concede,” said Boehner. “If Obama’s going to play hard ball and leave us with Biden, we’re finally ready to compromise. Gun control, increased debt ceiling, Obamacare. You name it; we’ll vote for it.”
At last report, President Obama was seriously reconsidering his decision on the condition that Republicans also agree to put a muzzle on Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity for the next four years.