Heavy Sigh as Obesity Vaccine Wins FDA Approval

Fast Food Restaurants Go Ahead With Even More Bacon Options in Kids Meals

Washington, DC – The Food and Drug Administration has given final approval on a vaccine that, when administered at a young age, will allow children to eat anything they want without gaining any fat. The obesity vaccine was developed in answer to the failed USDA’s MyPlate program, which replaced the even more disastrous MYPyramid Food Chart, both of which have done little to curtail the rising epidemic of obesity in America.

It was also a medical project that was financed largely in part by the fast food industry in an attempt to allow them to continue to serve nutritionally sub-standard meals at an affordable price.

Given at an early age, the obesity vaccine immunizes children from the ill effects suffered from a high-fat, high-sugar diet, and allows them to continue eating all the things that had once been bad for them without jeopardizing their health by becoming morbidly obese.

“Soon, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and other conditions that eventually kill more than a third of our population will be a thing of the past…just as soon as this last generation is gone,” said Dr. Hewitt Dimwoody, chief research scientist who helped develop the vaccine.

The doctor went on to explain that unfortunately, the only people the vaccine will help are small children who have not yet developed an irreversible addiction to fats and sugars. This leaves the entire adult population still pretty much risking their lives if they even think about stopping by their local fast food restaurant and ordering a Baconator with a super side of fries, washed down with their favorite liquid sugar.

The vaccine is expected to be ready for use in time for the beginning of the 2014 school year. Children will be required to have the vaccine before entering pre-K so that school lunch programs can continue to serve hot dogs, fish sticks, and mac and cheese without any longer putting their students at a high risk of becoming fat.

Asked what this means for the USDA, a spokesperson replied “We are actually very satisfied that this vaccine has been approved by the FDA. We were pretty well fed up with the CDC constantly on our backs to come up with a nutritious food program to fight obesity in this country in order to bring diabetes and heart disease back down to a manageable level.”

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at ISaidLaughDammit.blogspot.com.

3 thoughts on “Heavy Sigh as Obesity Vaccine Wins FDA Approval

  1. Thanks Maxine Harley when I read it, like you i thought -What the??? So if children are immune from storing fats etc and then they have basically permission to eat junk food every day amazingly at school too where it's even more important to gain the education around food and biology of our bodies and importance of nutritional balance – where are they going to get a good balance of nutrients and minerals in order to be able to grow and develop? As what the ripple effect module offers information on is; it's not just about what food we put in our mouths, it's about why (maybe emotional eating for example?) and what happens to that food and why we crave the sweet stuff (sugar addiction maybe) or savoury foods (fat addiction maybe?) – this vaccine actually scares me – surely the money should be put back into finding a more effective educational program, as they say their previous ones haven't worked – doesn't this just give self permission to ignore all of this and eat everything we crave for and damage other vital areas of our physiology?

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