Year: 2012
Japan to Stop Using Nuclear Power, Get Giant Monster Insurance
TOKYO- The Prime Minister of Japan, Yoshihiko Noda, announced that his country will be discontinuing the use of nuclear energy and will also be shopping for giant monster insurance policies. The decision was widely expected after the disastrous earthquake that…
Catholic Institutions Should NOT be Required to Pay for Birth Control
Thanks to the likes of Sandra Fluke, this debate has reared the back of it’s ugly front-side in the political arena once again. Many argue that it’s unfair to pay taxes to support birth control measures they don’t personally support,…
Greece Patents The Wheel
After Apple successfully suing Samsung for sharing the patented rectangle shape, the country of Greece has sought to ease their ongoing financial crisis by patenting the wheel. The country could only manage to gain a patent over the everyday object…
Romney and Ryan to Clean Up Streets in New ABC Drama
LOS ANGELES- After recent reports have surfaced over the lack of news coverage given to Mitt Romney, the Romney/Ryan campaign sought to tackle the issue through a different approach. Romney campaign manager Matt Rhodes tells US Weekly that “It’s no…
Photo Surfaces Proving Karl Marx Actually Met Barack Obama
London(UK) – (SatireWorld.com) University archivists recently found a treasure trove of old photos and documents in a trunk belonging to a retired canner who collected rare photos as a hobby. Dubbed the Rosetta Stone of Barack Obama’s past, the photos…
PETA Slams Huge Rise in “Goldfish Mills”
Natalie Klad, PETA Spokesman of the Greater Cincinnati area, says irresponsible and/or incompetent goldfish owners are contributing to the rise of unwanted goldfish overcrowding animal shelters across the country. “I believe we all know what happens when you allow unprotected…
Romney Admits He Doesn’t Care About YOU
Mitt Romney was caught on a secret recording making shocking statements that are already legendary. That he doesn’t care about the 141 million people that don’t pay federal income tax. These people still pay taxes on the whole, many of…
Ron Paul ‘Will Fight Presidential Campaign Into 2013’ Just to See What Happens
WASHINGTON D.C. – Even though rival Republican presidential campaigner Mitt Romney has already attained the 1,144 delegates needed to seal the party’s nomination, Ron Paul says he will continue campaigning, vowing to fight on into 2013, just to see what…
iPhone 5 Replaces All of Your Personal Relationships
SAN FRANCISCO- In a groundbreaking statement issued to press, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced that the new iPhone will “replace all of your loved ones and cherished relationships.” The phone and features were announced earlier this week, already prompting some…
10 Signs That You’re In a Long-Term Relationship
1. You finish each other’s sentences… because you can’t stand the sound of the other person’s voice. 2. You have wild, passionate sex all night long. Then you wake up. 3. Whenever you miss each other, you just pick up…