Romney and Ryan to Clean Up Streets in New ABC Drama

LOS ANGELES- After recent reports have surfaced over the lack of news coverage given to Mitt Romney, the Romney/Ryan campaign sought to tackle the issue through a different approach.

Romney campaign manager Matt Rhodes tells US Weekly that “It’s no surprise the liberal media is trying to marginalize Mitt. We saw this coming. We devised a plan to get Mitt and Paul out there, in the television of every home, without the help of the major news outlets, Prime time drama.”

“It’s perfect!” Romney adviser Beth Meyers tells journalists at a recent conference.

“Hard working Americans don’t have time to stay at home and watch the news. They’re out working and want to come home and enjoy themselves. Why bother them with all the same old boring political rhetoric, when they can watch Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan clean up the streets of America as a team.”

The plot of the show centers around Mitt, a 65 year old former governor that dislikes the way his community has descended in to chaos. Along with his partner, Paul Ryan, they go and clean up their beloved country with their own particular brand of vigilante justice.

ABC was on board with the idea immediately.

Anne Sweeney, President of Disney-ABC television group stated “This is exactly what Romney and ABC needed. The Romney Campaign needed a vehicle to make Mitt seem like a hero and accessible to the common man. We needed to fill a slot for fall sweeps to keep people interested in Grey’s Anatomy. It was win win.”

Romney campaign adviser, Eric Ferhnstrom explains, “ at first it was an attempt to just spend some of the campaign money. There’s a lot of it. We couldn’t blow it all in anti-Obama ads so we had a brainstorm. It was actually Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan who came up with the idea.”

He went on to add, “They decided since they were losing out on a lot of the news coverage because of all the presidential things Obama has done, we should find a way to get on the airwaves too. Paul just said randomly how cool it would be if they had a show where they beat up occupy protesters, or kicked illegal immigrants back over the border, and roughed up community activists trying to get people signed up to vote. After that, the idea just kinda ran with itself.”

TV critics have already began criticizing the move as a ploy for the Romney campaign to appeal to the masses while neglecting any serious political discourse.

Mary McNamara, TV Critic for the LA Times asked in her weekly column, “Is this what American politics have come to? Have we decided that unlimited campaign contributions can be used in the most fictitious way imaginable? By producing a TV show?”

The Romney campaign responded with an emphatic “exactly!”

“All the people watching the news, they’re probably not voting for us. Well, I guess besides Fox News, but that’s a different story. Statistics don’t lie, people with higher educations vote democrat, and also watch the news. So how do we reach the republican base and appeal to the common man? Prime time drama baby.” explained Matt Rhodes, Romney campaign manager.

“These people don’t care about what happens, they want to see how it happens, or I guess how they think it happens. What’s so wrong about it? We’re giving them what they want, a visual representation of how they think the office actually works, and we get their vote. Who’s losing out in this?”

The Obama administration has sharply answered back with their proposal of a Joe Biden reality TV series entitled “Joe the Vice President,” where Biden travels the country performing odd jobs normally conducted by average people.

The inaugural premiere this upcoming Thursday at 8 P.M. eastern standard time, before a re-run of Grey’s Anatomy. The show premiers against the long established Thursday comedy line up for NBC.

When asked about the potential ratings conflict, Sweeney responded, “Don’t worry. There will be plenty of laughs to be had in Mormon & Hooch.”

Author: Jason Velez

I'm a stand-up comedian, author of "The Alphabet of Everything I Hate," an artist of sorts, and a rouge writer who's got a weird thing for oxford commas... like, really weird. Like three x's weird. Follow me @velezerraptor on twitter

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