Year: 2012
Romney Denies He’s a Crybaby
Defeated Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney denies he is a crybaby. “Yes, I lost the election,” said Romney. “But there are reasons why I lost, many of them relating to the gifts Obama gave to blacks, Hispanics and young people…
Israel: Petraeus was unfaithful to us
This reporter has confirmed some of the suspicions that CIA Director David Petraeus’ infidelity went well beyond his dalliance with Paula Broadwell. One well-placed source confirmed that, “My God, if we had to sack everyone in the military and intelligence…
Patraeus Regrets Affair, Mainly “Getting Found Out”
Former CIA director David Patraeus has confided that he deeply regrets much about his affair with biographer Paula Broadwell, but chief among his regrets is that the affair was discovered and made public. “He regrets that affair on so many…
Indianapolis Mayor Thinks A Bunch of Really Tall Skyscrapers Would Be Pretty Neat
INDIANAPOLIS – Peering philosophically out of his city-council building office window Monday, Mayor of Indianapolis Greg Ballard thinks that a whole bunch of “really freaking tall” skyscrapers would be pretty neat right about now. Even though his office remains devoid…
Republicans Religious Epiphany After Election “God Wants Us to be Bi-Partisan”
Republicans have been almost unanimous in quoting that a Divine inspiration has descended upon them. Apparently this heavenly apparition was bestowed upon their golden leader, John Boehner. Mr. Boehner, his eyes glowing with enlightened envisionment, has come forth upon his…
Snow Storm ‘Set to Bury Hundreds of Other News Stories’
INDIANAPOLIS – Heavy snow fall is expected to batter much of the Midwest Thursday, spawning fears that it may wipe out hundreds of “otherwise highly relevant news stories.” Production teams are on standby in news rooms across the state of…
UN Ponders Cloning Extinct Wooly Mammoths as New Global Food Source
United Nations- New York City – (SatireWorld.com) The United Nations Special Committee on Global Nutrition has partnered with Nickoli Butechefski, a noted Russian genome theorist, in developing a strain of DNA to be used in cloning an extinct species for…
The Constitution Of Uzupis – The Free-est Place In the World
The following is the actual Constitution of Uzupis, a part of the City of Vilnius, Lithuania that has declared independence from Vilnius, from Lithuania and apparently from the entire world in 1997. An artist conclave, they have their own elected…
Hurricane Sandy Was God’s Attempt To Hang In With Occupy Folks
Intrepid Reuters news reporters have uncovered that the immense Hurricane Sandy, so huge that it was dubbed ‘The Perfect Storm’, was actually a fabricated event. It appears that God created the mega storm for what to our eyes was a…
Republicans Wish Democrats Would Stop Smiling
WASHINGTON – With the 2012 U.S. election now nearly a week old, Republican politicians are beginning to wonder how long it will take for their Democratic rivals to wipe the shit-eating grins off their faces and return to normal. “It…