Romney Denies He’s a Crybaby

Defeated Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney denies he is a crybaby.

“Yes, I lost the election,” said Romney. “But there are reasons why I lost, many of them relating to the gifts Obama gave to blacks, Hispanics and young people to win their votes. But I’m no crybaby.”

President Obama offered to meet with his defeated rival to discuss some of Romney’s ideas to help the country. However, Mr. Romney has refused that offer.

“Why should I meet with that guy,” said the former governor. “He’s never been nice to me and I’m the one who should have won the election. If anybody’s a crybaby, it’s him.”

It is traditional for defeated presidential candidates to retire from the limelight and assume a low profile. Mr. Romney, on the other hand, apparently does not want to leave the national stage.

“I should have won,” said Romney. “Even Karl Rove says so and Karl’s always right. I know I conceded on election night but that was a mistake. I won fair and square and I want what’s mine.”

Governor Romney has reportedly been collaring anyone he can on the street and complaining about the election outcome and the unfair result.

“The White House should be mine,” says Governor Romney. “And I intend to do whatever it takes to get it whether that means launching a legal challenge or holding my breath until I turn blue. Would a crybaby do that? I don’t think so.”

Mr. Romney has issued a press release stating that he is also not a sore loser, a whiner or a liar, liar, pants on fire.

Author: Dave Martin

Dave Martin's humor and political satire have appeared in many major North American newspapers including The N. Y. Times, The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune. His latest humor collection is entitled "Screams & Whispers" available on and he blogs at

4 thoughts on “Romney Denies He’s a Crybaby

  1. Hahahaha! Liar liar pants on fire…I found it astonishing how quickly that man would change his position on things. Made my head spin. Now lets hope the people who kept jerking his chain step out of politics, too!

  2. Well, yeah, but he would deny that, wouldn't he. I mean he denied (and then later affirmed before re-denying) many things… the guy stands for exactly what he's worth, morally; nothing.

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