Month: August 2012
YouTube Sensation Checks Into Rehab… Meow
Celebrity seeks help after trashing hotel room in catnip-fueled rampage LOS ANGELES – The pressures of fame appear to have claimed yet another celebrity victim today, as one of the Internet’s most beloved stars checked in for treatment at Hollywood’s…
Mob Bosses Fear Liam Neeson-Style Dad
With the second ‘Taken’ documentary set to hit cinemas worldwide this autumn it has emerged that mob bosses and various crime syndicates, especially those within the human trafficking trade, are fearing Liam Neeson-style dad attacks. The documentary, which follows Mr Neeson as he tries…
U.S. Raises Gaffe Threat Level to Orange, As Romney Returns From Abroad
WASHINGTON – The U.S. Federal Election Commission today warned Americans of what it termed “an increased possibility of a major verbal gaffe taking place on U.S. soil within the coming days.” The F.E.C. issued its warning after its analysts detected…
Report: Team USA Outsourcing 30% of Its Medals to China
LONDON – Reaching a mutual agreement with overseas executives Tuesday, The United States Olympic Committee has thrashed out a deal that will see 30% of Team USA’s Olympic medals outsourced to China. The deal was first brought into the public…
U.S. Denied Nuke Permit, Goes Ballistic
In the eight weeks since the legalization of Nuclear Weapons, a dozen nations or so have applied for permits. The deadline for initial approval or rejection of Nuke permits is officially here, and the international community opened their letters this…
Black Fists of Power Magazine Scores Attorney General Eric Holder Interview
Chicago (AP) – In an exclusive interview with Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Black Fists of Power Magazine Managing Editor, America’s Chief Law Enforcement Officer continued to dodge responsibility for malfeasance at the Department of Justice that even the Associated Press and…
Louie Season Two Fails to Deliver, Fat Boy
I bought season one on DVD, and I loved rewatching all the various episodes with commentary… but when season two came out, and I bought it, I was disgusted to find out that only five-episodes have commentary. Louie is easily…
Chick-fil-A Manager Hugs Customer Inappropriately
Raleigh, NC – Dennis Mitchell of Raleigh, NC claims he knew nothing about the controversy surrounding Chick-fil-A when he walked into a local store to purchase an order of chicken nuggets and a drink. “All of a sudden, here comes…
Something Lewd And Disgusting Is Happening In Our Woods
There is a great and disgusting problem afoot and I would like to ask you, dear readers, to help me in the eradication of it. I would like to create a petition and get as many concerned Americans as possible…
Local Man Seems Just A Little Too Into Archery
INDIANAPOLIS – Sitting down with his family to watch the opening rounds of the Olympic Games Friday, Indianapolis resident Damien Fenhurst was just a little too into archery, say sources. Displaying an inordinate degree of interest in the skill and…