Month: May 2012
Truck Spills Thousands of Gallons of Beer; Obama Declares Day of Mourning
VOLUSIA COUNTY, FL – A semi truck carrying thousands of gallons of beer overturned in Volusia County early Tuesday morning, spilling beer over the northbound lanes of I-95. Police say hundreds of cases of bottled beer were lost in one…
George Tierney Exclusive Interview… yes, George Tierney from Greenville, SC
It was just yesterday when I saw the latest accidental celebrity create himself on the interwebs. It seems one George Tierney Jr. of Greenville, SC decided it was okay to get in a pissing match with tbogg from FireDogLake. Fark.com…
Osama bin Laden’s Post Mortem Bestsellers
It seems some of our most beloved Middle-eastern dictators penned a few novels before their untimely demises. Momar Khaddafi had written a romance novel before his beating by his own people and his buddy Saddam Hussein before his capture had…
“Georgetown University Girl is Loco”
Posted by your South America correspondents Maria and Consuela Lopez. Maria: “We’ve been very busy covering the Syrian rebellion from the Greek Isles, and according to all the guys we’ve interviewed here, it’s not going too well in Syria.”
Governor Scott Walker Declares State-Wide Burn Ban Leading Up to Recall Election
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker has officially declared a state-wide emergency burn ban in response to reports that dozens of campaign signs on behalf of the embattled governor are going up in flames. The move, while politically necessary according to sources…
Merkel Readies Device for Stimulating Greeks
BERLIN, GERMANY —GlossyNews Chancellor Merkel of Germany said she would readily agree to stimulating Greece in their G-spot. Germany’s “Iron Lady” says she will use her newly created device called a “Euro-do”, thusly named as it inserts the Euro into…
“Men in Suits” determine the future of the GOP
Several suited men are pouring over papers scattered on a desk before them. “So, it comes down to this: The Corporations are deciding on either Gingrich or Santorum to be the Republican representative for the Republican platform in the Presidential…
Octomom weds Chaz Bono
Photographers filled sidewalks outside Graceland Chapel this weekend, spilling out into the street and blocking traffic. The paparazzi had thronged to Vegas for a snapshot of what’s being called the wedding of the century. Chaz Bono and a radiant Nadya…
Barack Obama Thanks Bristol Palin for Unsolicited Parental Advice
Barack Obama made certain that he acknowledged the wise words he received indirectly Friday from Bristol Palin with regards to his stance on same-sex marriage. “We are just incredibly thankful to have someone as mature and wise as Bristol Palin…
Pay-per-view Presidential Debates
It is the dark, painful secret of broadcast journalism. Dedicated professionals actually work tirelessly to produce that lowest common denominator pabulum known as ‘mainstream media.’ Insiders admit the fare is about as nutritious as rice cakes dipped in excrement, but…