Month: May 2012
Gingrich Halted By Month-old Shooting
BATON ROUGE, LA —EBBQ Newt Gingrich hastily called a press conference after appearing on Sean Hannity’s FOXNEWS telecast. He said in opening the sparsely attended 2-reporter conference: “I was completely misquoted in my answer to Sean where he said that…
Weekly Political Wrap Up Includes Syria’s Lack of Legitimacy
On Monday, President Barack Obama called for a big deficit reduction package to go along with raising the debt ceiling, saying to a reluctant Congress that “it’s time to pull off the band-aid. Eat our peas.” Authorities are investigating why…
Ford Claims Insurance Faith Exemption
Long after contemporary pundits have passed on to their respective rewards (7th level of Dante’s Inferno) historians may characterize the Affordable Healthcare Act as 2700 pages of unintended consequences. That possibility loomed larger this week as Ford Motor Company triggered…
Dang It, Google Drive, Be Rational
Google Drive is the latest entry in the cloud backup and storage game. They offer mad amounts of storage at unbelievably reasonable prices, but they still fairly suck as bad as any of their competitors, and we just have to…
Scientists Discover 21 Benefits to Burkas
Burkas are the head to toe traditional wear for adult females in the most fundamentalist of Islamic countries. They are designed to cover up all possibilities of erotic stimulation coming from even the oldest of women. Standard wear in much…
The Supreme Scrap in Wisconsin
The underside of the dark and dangerous judicial branch was exposed last year when Justice Walsh Bradley accused fellow Justice David Prosser of putting her in a “choke hold” during debate of the constitutionality of the controversial bill eliminating collective…
BRICS Loses Vowel, Member After Olympic-Sized Insult
Search for replacement country yields bric-a-brac NEW DELHI – The organization of emerging economies, formerly known as BRICS, is struggling after the loss of the only member-state that contributed a vowel to the snappy acronym. At their most recent gathering,…
Forgotten Gods Seize Egypt
Just as nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, few outside the cast of History Channel’s popular ‘Ancient Aliens’ program foresaw this week’s developments. Much to the surprise of the Muslim brotherhood, it appears Osiris, Isis, Horus, Anubis, and a host of…
Biggest Moon This Year May Cause Record Drunkenness on Cinco de Mayo
A new warning from the Astronomers Sociological Studies (ASS) group is being circulated around college campuses nationwide advising that this month’s full moon on May 5th may have a stronger gravitational pull than any in past months. An ASS member…
Gaddafi Diary Excerpts Released
Libya’s Revolutionary Council announced today the discovery of Colonel Muammar Gaddafi’s personal journals. According to sources, the writings span nearly the entire life of the enigmatic autocrat. The story of how the writings saw daylight is said to be nearly…