GOP Claims Use of Categorical Denials Indicates Supreme Leadership Skills

The Daily Trough reports that Grand Old Party Speaker of the House John Boehner has categorically denied political and special interests in current GOP debt-ceiling strategies.

A spokesperson on behalf of the party, who wishes to remain anonymous, has said, “We categorically reject that our aim is to obstruct any and all efforts by the Obama administration to work out a compromise. We are absolutely interested in compromise and serving the people of this great nation. Read more GOP Claims Use of Categorical Denials Indicates Supreme Leadership Skills

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Amy Winehouse Found Dead – Rock N Roll Claims Another Casualty

It’s been revealed that British R&B diva, Amy Winehouse has been found dead in her Camden Town flat in north west London. At this point, there has been no confirmed cause of death, but some speculators are of the opinion that alcohol and/or drugs may have been a contributory factor.

They’re probably right.

Poor Amy, who sang so passionately that she didn’t want to go to rehab, may still have been alive if she’d given the rehab another shot. Read more Amy Winehouse Found Dead – Rock N Roll Claims Another Casualty

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Bachmann Blasts Wikipedia; Google for Causing Slow Recovery

In a series of speeches the newly announced presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann blasted popular websites such as Google and Wikipedia for causing the slow economic recovery as pawns in President Obama’s grand plan for “turning our country into a nation of slaves.” Read more Bachmann Blasts Wikipedia; Google for Causing Slow Recovery

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Obama Looking for New Court Jester After Kal Penn Resigns

Comedy actor, Kal Penn, announced that he is leaving his gig working for the White House in the Office of Public Engagement to return to television. Some of you will remember Penn from his role on the television series House, others may remember him from the movie Harold and Kumar. However, only one or two of you, up until this story broke, even knew Kumar, err Penn worked in the White House Office of Public Engagement. And fewer still knew he was Obama’s personal Court Jester. Read more Obama Looking for New Court Jester After Kal Penn Resigns

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Valentine’s Day Condom Heists Puzzle Store Owners

Multiple stores across the nation are just now reporting a significant increase in stolen condoms the week before Valentine’s Day. When asked for comment on the increase in theft, one store owner had this to say:

“I understand the motivation, but I’m not sure the people stealing these condoms completely understand Valentine’s Day. Is it supposed to be romantic. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex with a stolen condom.” Read more Valentine’s Day Condom Heists Puzzle Store Owners

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