Posted in World News

Arabic Speling Bee Canceled for Education Concerns

Modernization efforts in post-Mubarak Egypt were dealt yet another blow this week, with announcement that the first ever Arabic spelling contest will not take place. Leaders of the fledgling coalition seeking to transition Egypt from military rule to a secular…

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Posted in Human Interest

Man Released from Jail after Erroneous Arrest for Internet Porn Post

Rufus Simpson of Pascagoula, Mississippi was released from jail early Saturday morning after spending the night locked up on charges of internet porn posting. His accuser, Shirley Remquist of nearby Moss Point claims that she opened her Facebook page Friday…

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Posted in Politics

Bachmann Rewrites Wikipedia on The Gays

STILLWATER, MN —EBBQ Asked to respond to Jerry Brown’s earth-shaking revelation that “history should be honest,” in relation to California schools educating students about gay culture, Rep. Bachmann quickly announced that she has just recently become personally involved in rewriting…

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Posted in Sports Sports Scandals

Pittsburgh Pirates “Sorry”; Promise to Stop Winning

Today, the front office of the Pittsburgh Pirates made a formal apology to Major League Baseball and all of its fans for having such a successful 2011 season so far. “We’re ashamed to say that, this year, we haven’t done…

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Posted in Politics

Republican Senators Order Out for Chinese as Debt Ceiling Talks Continue

A reporter covering the debacle that is the debt ceiling talks has just published a story in his local hometown paper, The Times-Picayune, which helps shed light on what he believes is the number one priority coming out of the…

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Posted in Politics

DSK in Desperate Need of New Housekeeper

Embattled ex-chief of the IMF Dominique Strauss-Kahn continues to defend himself against mounting sexual assault allegations.  While Americans are quick to mark Strauss-Kahn as guilty, his compatriots have not adopted a similar view with 57% of France reporting they believe…

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Posted in Politics

Insane Debt Levels suddenly Uncool

Just as no one knows the cause of earthquakes, sudden mass culture changes are a matter of great mystery to sociologists. History is rife with instances of these shifts. Communist Russia was seen as heroic, but then all of America…

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Posted in Politics

GOP Claims Use of Categorical Denials Indicates Supreme Leadership Skills

The Daily Trough reports that Grand Old Party Speaker of the House John Boehner has categorically denied political and special interests in current GOP debt-ceiling strategies. A spokesperson on behalf of the party, who wishes to remain anonymous, has said,…

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Posted in Entertainment Top Stories

Amy Winehouse Found Dead – Rock N Roll Claims Another Casualty

It’s been revealed that British R&B diva, Amy Winehouse has been found dead in her Camden Town flat in north west London. At this point, there has been no confirmed cause of death, but some speculators are of the opinion…

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy

NASA Workers Reveal Demands

It was thought to be a bittersweet moment as the last ever space shuttle mission landed flawlessly in the early hours of dawn that day. What began in the bold optimism of JFK’s challenge to walk on the moon had…

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Posted in Human Interest

Your Fetus Can Read… -Ish

Dr. Robert Titz, the creator of the popular Your Baby Can Read videos has recently announced his next big product. Following the success of Your Baby Can Read, he decided to take early education a step further and developed a…

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Posted in Biz News Politics

Bachmann Blasts Wikipedia; Google for Causing Slow Recovery

In a series of speeches the newly announced presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann blasted popular websites such as Google and Wikipedia for causing the slow economic recovery as pawns in President Obama’s grand plan for “turning our country into a nation…

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Posted in Entertainment

Obama Looking for New Court Jester After Kal Penn Resigns

Comedy actor, Kal Penn, announced that he is leaving his gig working for the White House in the Office of Public Engagement to return to television. Some of you will remember Penn from his role on the television series House,…

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Posted in Crime Society

Valentine’s Day Condom Heists Puzzle Store Owners

Multiple stores across the nation are just now reporting a significant increase in stolen condoms the week before Valentine’s Day. When asked for comment on the increase in theft, one store owner had this to say: “I understand the motivation,…

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Posted in Human Interest

Texas Governor Rick Perry Loses Governor’s Mansion in Poker Game

Police in Austin, Texas were called to the Governor’s Mansion downtown in response to a call-in report that a strange man appeared to be living in the dwelling amidst the chaos of reconstruction. Upon entry, police officers found Henry Waldrep…

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Posted in Human Interest World News

Caution: Saudi Women Behind the Wheel

Saudi women are hitting the streets, revving their engines and trying to drive home a very serious point. It’s all part of a push for social reform by defying the desert kingdom’s longstanding ban on female drivers. “We are not…

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Posted in Biz News Books, Newspapers & Misc

Rupert Murdoch Hands Out Free Puppies as Apology to Brits

The scandal involving Rupert Murdoch’s News of the World is spreading to Murdoch’s other holdings and some say it could spell doom for his News Corporation empire. Realizing immediately that his newspaper apology was doing nothing to quell the anger…

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Posted in Entertainment Politics

Palin and Bachman Go Mano-A-Mano in Nude Mud Wrestling Fundraiser

Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman bared all in a girl’s all-nude wrestling match to raise money for the Republican Party’s ‘Go For The Gold’ Presidential race. The girls decided they would put their greatest ‘ass’-ets out in public for the…

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Posted in Biz News Health

CBD in Pennsylvania is taking off

Ever since it was legalized, Pennsylvania medical cannabis has been taking over the market. People are rushing to dispensaries and the industry sales have been shooting to the sky! Residents can’t wait to get their hands on CBD to treat…

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Posted in Internets Tubes Strange People

Free Walmart Bingo Generator Game Released

Forget those underpowered, overpriced apps that promise you a fun game of Walmart Bingo, the FunnyHitman brings you one that’s even better, and best of all, it’s free to view, free to print and free to use as you laugh…

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