Arabic Speling Bee Canceled for Education Concerns

Modernization efforts in post-Mubarak Egypt were dealt yet another blow this week, with announcement that the first ever Arabic spelling contest will not take place.

Leaders of the fledgling coalition seeking to transition Egypt from military rule to a secular republic were quick to answer outrage from western media on what’s being called ‘Spell-gate.’ Read more Arabic Speling Bee Canceled for Education Concerns

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Man Released from Jail after Erroneous Arrest for Internet Porn Post

Rufus Simpson of Pascagoula, Mississippi was released from jail early Saturday morning after spending the night locked up on charges of internet porn posting.

His accuser, Shirley Remquist of nearby Moss Point claims that she opened her Facebook page Friday evening to find that a post from Rufus had made it onto one of her friend’s pages which read “Darlene, honey, you knows I is the number one master baiter in yore life.” Read more Man Released from Jail after Erroneous Arrest for Internet Porn Post

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Bachmann Rewrites Wikipedia on The Gays

STILLWATER, MN —EBBQ Asked to respond to Jerry Brown’s earth-shaking revelation that “history should be honest,” in relation to California schools educating students about gay culture, Rep. Bachmann quickly announced that she has just recently become personally involved in rewriting the official gay page on Wikipedia, so it will be correct historically. Read more Bachmann Rewrites Wikipedia on The Gays

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Pittsburgh Pirates “Sorry”; Promise to Stop Winning

Today, the front office of the Pittsburgh Pirates made a formal apology to Major League Baseball and all of its fans for having such a successful 2011 season so far.

“We’re ashamed to say that, this year, we haven’t done a good job sticking to our reputation of finishing in last place in the division,” manager Clint Hurdle said in a press conference. Read more Pittsburgh Pirates “Sorry”; Promise to Stop Winning

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Republican Senators Order Out for Chinese as Debt Ceiling Talks Continue

A reporter covering the debacle that is the debt ceiling talks has just published a story in his local hometown paper, The Times-Picayune, which helps shed light on what he believes is the number one priority coming out of the Republican camp—the importance of a good lunch. Read more Republican Senators Order Out for Chinese as Debt Ceiling Talks Continue

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DSK in Desperate Need of New Housekeeper

Embattled ex-chief of the IMF Dominique Strauss-Kahn continues to defend himself against mounting sexual assault allegations.  While Americans are quick to mark Strauss-Kahn as guilty, his compatriots have not adopted a similar view with 57% of France reporting they believe he was set up by political rivals in a recent opinion poll. Read more DSK in Desperate Need of New Housekeeper

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Insane Debt Levels suddenly Uncool

Just as no one knows the cause of earthquakes, sudden mass culture changes are a matter of great mystery to sociologists. History is rife with instances of these shifts. Communist Russia was seen as heroic, but then all of America changed its mind in 1946. Cigarettes were once the epitome of cool, but now smokers are pariahs huddled outside office buildings as if waiting for the next train to Auschwitz. And of course, there’s Adam Lambert. Read more Insane Debt Levels suddenly Uncool

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