STILLWATER, MN —EBBQ Asked to respond to Jerry Brown’s earth-shaking revelation that “history should be honest,” in relation to California schools educating students about gay culture, Rep. Bachmann quickly announced that she has just recently become personally involved in rewriting the official gay page on Wikipedia, so it will be correct historically.
Ms. Bachmann said “I now believe that important contributions from Americans of all backgrounds and walks of life are needed to be sure that our nation’s gay history is not besmirched.”
Asked about the process of rewriting the page, she offered this: “My Husband Marcus, an eminent doctor and PhD, will do a first draft rewrite of the page. I will then edit and add human color with my maternal pen. You are all aware that I have raised 28 children during my 20-year marriage with Marcus. I too, know a lot about this gay phase. Among those 28 children of mine, I am sure, as is Marcus, that at least 1 or 2 could have been gay or were leaning to becoming gay.
“My Marcus is a well-respected expert on gay life and all that it entails. He has spent his entire adult working life with the gays, advising them on social mores, documenting their behavior patterns and, when needed, he is able to professionally show any slower clients how to quickly pray the gay from their lives. This represents an historic and important step forward for our nation, and I thank my dear husband for all of his deep research and his pastor-like understanding on this historic front.”
It was pointed out to Ms. Bachmann that many states have laws that already require recognition about the contributions of Native Americans, African-Americans, Mexican-Americans, and Asian-Americans, among other groups. A question to her from a reporter was “What about the gay culture? Can’t there be objective recognition about them as well?”
About this information, Rep. Bachmann said, “Today I will begin making history in our great nation by ensuring that Wikipedia, my most trusted resource on the history of our nation, no longer excludes the contributions of LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) Americans. Governor Brown’s decision has helped Marcus and I decide that we now want these gays to feel better than the second or third-rate citizens that they are. This is a turning point in my candidacy’s policy on the super-sensitive issue of gays in the US.”
“Marcus and I have come to another conclusion over the gays, is it what, 6 – 10% of the nation’s population by count? We no longer officially consider it an outrage to let these few million people live their undisciplined lives outside traditional family values. Marcus is personally and emotionally relieved that we are no longer pressing against them on this issue. He says that enough is enough.
“People stressing out on gay issues in their private lives should not have to endure taunting from bullies about their vocal tone, their ability to dance, the shedding of tears emotionally, especially where male gays are concerned.”
The last question to Ms. Bachmann was about her intent to legislatively deny gays same-sex marriage.
She responded, “I am now all confused about this whole issue. At the moment, I feel that it is no longer an issue that is very important anymore. Yes, I still have bad thoughts about gay marriage and what it might do to our society. I just don’t know if that is the right way to think any more. Can I get back to you on this? Marcus is on my phone here and I have to take this call.”