GOP Claims Use of Categorical Denials Indicates Supreme Leadership Skills

The Daily Trough reports that Grand Old Party Speaker of the House John Boehner has categorically denied political and special interests in current GOP debt-ceiling strategies.

A spokesperson on behalf of the party, who wishes to remain anonymous, has said, “We categorically reject that our aim is to obstruct any and all efforts by the Obama administration to work out a compromise. We are absolutely interested in compromise and serving the people of this great nation.

“We categorically reject the idea that the corporate structure and CEOs should sacrifice from profits to help reduce the deficit and avoid cutting programs for the poor. We categorically reject that there are 25 million unemployed in this country and 40 million on food stamps. And if these numbers are correct, then all we can say, categorically, is that these people need an austerity program to build backbone and a stronger work force.

“We also categorically reject any onus for the mortgage scandals attributed to companies such as Bank of America and Goldman Sachs, and insist responsibility be properly placed on the irresponsible consumers who caused the problem in the first place.

“We categorically reject criticism of cuts in social security, medicare, and food programs because these programs are leaching from the fat of the land and need to be curtailed.  We also categorically reject any notion that the military budget should be reduced, or wars reined back. As George W. Bush has astutely stated, ‘War is good for the economy.’ We enthusiastically second that wise insight.

“Finally, we categorically reject global warming as a phenomenon in current world conditions, which could de-stabilize the planet and threaten world security. Our scientists, well-versed in the arts of propaganda and snooping, have categorically informed us global warming is a myth, and has nothing to do with increased carbon emissions.

“We are confident that our categorical denials show important leadership which will lead to a Grand Old Party victory in the coming 2012 elections. We categorically deny any disunity, fractiousness, and lunacy within the party.”

Author: joseph k winter

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