CHICAGO, Ill. (Glossy News) — Career urbanite and now President, Barack Obama, spoke before a group of hunters and outdoors-men in Boise, Idaho, in an attempt to solidify support from the over 225 million Americans who own firearms and of those who hunt.
Obama chose Boise because, in the words of his aide, “Mr. Obama wanted to return to the area where he hunted and killed Bigfoot on his last big game hunting expedition.”
The news falls in step with recent revelations about Barack Obama’s “new found support” for hunting, fiscal constraint, firearm ownership, anti-Islamic support, oil exploration in Yellowstone Park, whale hunting, and free Botox for the homeless. Obama’s broad reaching statements were an attempt to reach the last undecided citizens in an effort to solidify support for his failing health care initiative, which has polarized voters who were diffident in the mid-term elections but who may be more unforgiving in the 2012 presidential race.
To sum things up for the media, Obama’s press secretary said, “Look, Barry is for everything this coming year!”
Even the choice of “Barry” is an attempt by the Administration to put a more American face on a president who’s very citizenship credentials are challenged by a growing number of “Birthers” that claim Obama is an illegal alien.
When queried about the actual killing of the elusive Bigfoot, and where the carcass might be stored, Mr. Obama claimed he really didn’t kill the elusive Yeti, but wounded him in the arm. He tearfully expressed his sorrow for wounding the beast as a camera crew from PETA caught the confession.
When the extremist animal rights crew left, Obama turned his attention to journalists who were setting up to record his hunting statements. Reporters pressed him for more details about his hunting exploits. Questions ranged from “Where did you hunt in Chicago” to “What caliber bullets did you use in your shotgun?”
Mr. Obama stumbled on the last question and had to ask an aide what a shotgun was.
The aide hastily produced a Bass-Pro hunting catalog and showed Obama a picture of a Daisy BB gun, which the smiling head of state confidently identified as the type of weapon with which he shot Bigfoot.