Advocacy Group to Toothlessly Protest Redneck Comedians, Unaware of Irony

Cable Professionals United Against Hurtful Stereotypes spokesperson Carl Tuckerson spoke to reporters today on the newly minted group’s grievances and plans. Per Tuckerson, the CPUAHS was formed in defensive reaction to a pervasive, insidious and pernicious media campaign to brand all cable installers as moronic slackers.

“Ha ha ha it’s all funny to break American workers’ hearts for money, huh? Hey, are you done with those fries? OK, no prob, just asking. So this whole ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour’ that’s wildly profitable?

“First, if you can afford ticket price, you’re probably not blue collar. Second, let’s dispel a mystery that perhaps challenges many Einsteins. That whole ‘blah blah blah, something house trailer, you might be a redneck’ stuff? Look, if you’re in the audience, you are a redneck.”

The famed pundit took a few moments to adjust his signature bow tie, collect his many important thoughts, and then continued mercilessly.

“This isn’t really about millionaires hawking soul connection with dead enders at $75 a pop; it’s about that Cable guy Larry.” Tuckerson then detailed a long list of divorces and suicides caused by the comedian who ‘claims’ to have been a cable installation provider.

“That fat guy earning a fortune by feeding the worst possible stereotypes to a gullible America? He probably wouldn’t know a co-axial splicer from a transducer box. CPUAHS members aren’t barely educated inarticulate morons. Most of our membership comes from prestigious colleges, with degrees in English Lit and Gender Studies; stuff like that.

“These people aren’t stupid, they’re Americans just trying to earn a living and pay back student loans. For my clients, it’s especially hurtful to watch a guy who probably can’t quote from Chaucer earning a fortune by portraying them as morons.”

CPUAHS plans a protest march against Larry the Cable Guy, on Wednesday sometime between Noon and 6:00pm.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

9 thoughts on “Advocacy Group to Toothlessly Protest Redneck Comedians, Unaware of Irony

  1. Oh, now mock the potato famine, eh? As I recall, some English bloke wrote a satirical thing at the time called “You might be Irish if…”. Gad, how can you be so callous? How can you mock the misery of a country without hashbrowns? heartless, absolutely heartless.

    As far as the Trail of Tears, (Creek, BTW) I took the train. I DO revisit the depot my anscestors departed from in Macon, Georgia from time to time. And the most important thing contraversial about Larry the Cable Guy was his stint as a health inspector. And I defy you to tell me that wasn’t controversial. Planting vermin, etc. etc. Don’t deny it!

    Also…almost every Cherokee I know appears to be is part Scots-Irish. What kind of alliance you cats got going on there? I’m even MORE incensed now! You just have a knack for controversey, don’t you?

  2. Eh, I’m about 1/8 Cherokee; my Dad grew up on an Indian reservation. I’m also about 7/8 Scots-Irish. I don’t see any point in revisiting the Trail of Tears, OR the Potato famine.

    Says in some Book I think, “Sufficient to each day is the evil thereof.”
    Says in a really cool Jim White song, “Those who dwell on disaster let sorrow be their master.”

    I’ve ZERO idea what could possibly be controversial in a Larry the Cable Guy gag article.

  3. You’ve got Episcopalians???? Actually, I consider myself and my kin the original ‘rednecks’. You guys are just illegal immigrants. Even your waterboarding is high tech, euro-trash pseudo-torture when compared to the old apache anthill interrogation method. Sure, it’s considered traditional medicine, but it’s a conversation starter. And I CAN take a joke. I recently stole one from Rodney Dangerfield.

  4. I don’t have to admit anything, except to people who waterboard me. WORST FIRST DATE EVER, but that’s a totally different story.

    What is there not to get here Cab? Larry the Cable guy was merely a convenient path to point out that America can’t take a joke.

    I’ve got nothing against rednecks! 90 percent of my blood kin are rednecks. They’re proud of that, and I’m proud of them. I currently live in a place so Southern, even the Episcopalians here handle snakes I bet!

    I’m deep as the morning frost, and about as complex as a cardboard box. Just a gag writer, that’s all.

  5. I agree. However, you have to admit the article exhibits a bit of racial sterotyping in that it distinguishes the “redneck” variety from the necks of other colors..or even “collored folks”. To selectively set the collored/non-collored folks apart, you unintentionally fell into the satirical trap of being both socially relevant AND portrayable as racist…just because that’s the way we roll as a society. So I think we both get the joke while being the butts of another, more obscure joke. Liked your piece, that’s why I “irately” commented. Glad you knew not to take it serious.

  6. Cab, thank you for reading my article. The point of this essay was that we’ve become a very thin skinned culture, unable to laugh at itself.

    And when we object to perceived negative generalizations about us, we often hurl back equally negative generalizations.

    And in our means of protest, we often reinforce negative stereotypes about ourselves, much more than the perceived insult did in the first place. For example a bunch of folk in Phoenix with signs reading ‘SB1070 is un-American’… and they’re waving Mexican flags.

    So again Cab, thanx for reading my essay, thanx for commenting. You contributed to the article in a significant way.

  7. @cab…. what? I’m so confused. Are you saying that liberals are racists and find Larry the Cable Guy funny? The blue collar comedy guys are popular in the deep south. That’s Republican territory, my friend, and racist territory too. You’ll fry your brain if you try to picture the audience at a Redneck Comedy show supporting social programs (even if they’re on them,) gun restriction (even if they can’t legally carry a firearm,) or anything having to do with supporting gay rights.

  8. If you find each and every redneck depiction done by these button-down collar comedians offensive and grossly overexaggerated, then you might be a redneck. If you find Larry the Cable Guy funny in anyway, then you might be a racist! At the very least a liberal.

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