Posted in Making Headlines

Medical Marijuana Surges $0.00 on 105-Ton Tijuana Pot Seizure

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Medical Marijuana Surges $0.00 on 105-Ton Tijuana Pot Seizure
Posted in Human Interest Religionism

Westboro Baptist Sues God Claiming He “Doesn’t Really Mind Fags”

Washington, DC (GlossyNews.com): The Westboro Baptist Church, the controversial religious sect best known for protesting the funerals of slain war veterans and their “God Hates Fags” protest signs, announced a startling lawsuit against God in Federal District Court today. According…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Westboro Baptist Sues God Claiming He “Doesn’t Really Mind Fags”
Posted in Crime Politics

Politicos Recovering After Freak Grizzly Attacks

SAN FRANCISCO, CA. (GN) —Glossy News Over the past several weeks, there have been reports of a number of unknown female grizzly attacks. These reports are from Utah, Washington, California, Delaware, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, Georgia, New Hampshire, West Virginia and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Politicos Recovering After Freak Grizzly Attacks
Posted in Biz News Politics

Labor Dept’s Latest Report Shows Stimulus Created a Job

Hope Springs, Maryland (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In a triumphant moment for President Obama, the Labor Department’s newest monthly report showed that despite lingering high unemployment, the President’s stimulus program almost certainly created a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Labor Dept’s Latest Report Shows Stimulus Created a Job
Posted in Religionism Strange People

‘Eat-A-Turd for the Taliban’ Big Success In Tribal Afghanistan

AFGHANISTAN (GlossyTribalNews) — In the remote tribal areas of Afghanistan, the Taliban declared today as the official “Eat A Turd For Muhammad Day.” Hundreds of armed Taliban fighters visited scores of remote tribal villages and forced village people at gunpoint…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! ‘Eat-A-Turd for the Taliban’ Big Success In Tribal Afghanistan
Posted in Politics

Defeating the Enthusiasm Gap, Absentee-Style

The buzz word this election cycle is voter apathy, and the GOP is banking on it heavier than the “Viagra for child molesters” myth. In absence of tangible ideas (like what programs they’d actually cut,) it seems the only thing…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Defeating the Enthusiasm Gap, Absentee-Style
Posted in Politics World News

WikiLeaks Revelation: Iranian President “Some Kind of F’d Up Elf”

Sydney, Australia (BNSE): Wikileaks, the controversial Australian based organization which recently rocked the American intelligence community with the release of thousands of classified documents linked to the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, has sent shock waves again with the release…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! WikiLeaks Revelation: Iranian President “Some Kind of F’d Up Elf”
Posted in Crime Health

Woman “Torn Between Two Lovers” Demands Body Parts Back

A North Dakota woman who was “torn between two lovers” said that she would appreciate the return of her body parts. Tonya Olive said from her hospital bed that she could do a lot more to please each man sexually…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Woman “Torn Between Two Lovers” Demands Body Parts Back
Posted in Making Headlines

Christine O’donnell Threatens Lagging Supporters with Newts, Brew

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Christine O’donnell Threatens Lagging Supporters with Newts, Brew
Posted in Religionism Technology

God Releases His Bible Tablet Beta 0.92

MT. ARARAT, ISRAEL —GlossyNews In a rather earth-shaking display today, God has brought the Burning World Bible Tablet to “My People on earth”, as he said in a poorly attended news conference called by Pope B*dict XVI by teleconference from…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! God Releases His Bible Tablet Beta 0.92
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Terry Fox’s Inspiring Cancer Survivor Story

I am sure most people have heard of Terry Fox, a young cancer survivor who developed bone cancer and had his left leg removed as a result. After recovering, he vowed to “run” 3000 miles across Canada to raise money…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Terry Fox’s Inspiring Cancer Survivor Story
Posted in Human Interest

Dead Woman In Chair Watches TV For 42 years

ZAGREB, Croatia (Glossy News) – We’re not sure what was on TV in 1966 in the former Yugoslavia, but it must have been so terrible that a woman died while viewing it, and her remains have only recently been found….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Dead Woman In Chair Watches TV For 42 years
Posted in Human Interest Top Stories

Study Proves Marble Tile is Very Heavy

When you’re married, there will be times (usually during 4th quarter of a tied game)that a woman says, “Something something something would brighten up the room, don’t you think?” Wait until the game is over, and then go out to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Study Proves Marble Tile is Very Heavy
Posted in Entertainment Talky Pictures

TLC to Air ‘This Old Crack House Hoarder Bridezilla’ Special

The Learning Channel keeps coming up with bigger and better ideas to try and garner the lion’s share of ratings in the reality television business. With Bravo shows such as the wildly famous “Real Housewives” series and “Chef” series, it…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! TLC to Air ‘This Old Crack House Hoarder Bridezilla’ Special
Posted in Environment Science & Technologizzy

Scientists: Bugs In Rugs — Not Snug

DENVER, Colorado (GlossyNews) — Insect research at Denver University has determined that a common saying is incorrect and that there is no such thing as being “as snug as a bug in a rug.” The phrase, which is generally taken…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Scientists: Bugs In Rugs — Not Snug
Posted in Entertainment Human Interest

Sesame Street Makes Top Ten List of Dangerous Places

Sesame Street is no longer the wholesome neighborhood street that children and their families flock to to enjoy an afternoon of counting and rhyming and learning some fun educational facts. It is becoming more and more a place where you…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sesame Street Makes Top Ten List of Dangerous Places
Posted in Biz News Health

San Francisco McDonalds Shifts Focus from Food to Toys

SAN FRANCISCO, California (Glossy News) – With the recent call of progressive groups in San Francisco demanding that McDonald’s no longer be allowed to include a toy with every happy meal, the company has shifted focus away from food and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! San Francisco McDonalds Shifts Focus from Food to Toys
Posted in Health Science

Cape Ground Squirrel Study: Masturbation Necessary to Avoid STDs

A recent study has concluded that male Cape ground squirrels have a reason for being one of the most prolific wanking species on the planet. They are ensuring the healthiness of their privates. One has to wonder if these study…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cape Ground Squirrel Study: Masturbation Necessary to Avoid STDs
Posted in Environment Television

Baywatch Beauty Pam Anderson Cited For EPA Violations

Seedy Falls, CO – Pam Anderson, noted for being an environmentalist and animal rights activist, as well as a past Baywatch bimbo, recently purchased several hundred acres of pristine land, near Glenwood Springs, Colorado. Anderson hopes to use the tract…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Baywatch Beauty Pam Anderson Cited For EPA Violations
Posted in Religionism

Jehovah’s Witness Probe Widens, Officials Going Door-to-Door

Tallahatchie County DA Kirk Shatner gazes into the distance when pressed on his crusade against the Jehovah Witness organization. “Oh yeah, I know what some people say. That I’m picking on an unpopular minority in blatant appeal to the fundamental…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Jehovah’s Witness Probe Widens, Officials Going Door-to-Door
Posted in Health Television

Yet Another Outbreak of Rabies at FOX News

MINOT, North Dakota (GlossyNews) — The recent outbreak of rabies, the madness inducing disease spread by biting that has infected the major stars of Fox News Station, has spread far beyond the confines of their offices. In a new evolution…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Yet Another Outbreak of Rabies at FOX News
Posted in Biz News

Coca Cola Sues KOCH Industries

ATLANTA, Georgia (GlossyNews) — The Coca Cola Company has announced that it is considering bringing a suit on Koch brothers company, KOCH Industires because of their forced mispronounciation of their family name. The Coke spokesperson said “the name Koch should…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Coca Cola Sues KOCH Industries
Posted in Science Television

Noted Anthropologist – Early Man “Flintstone” was Homosexual

Sure, you remember him. Yes, that adorable Fred Flintstone wearing his cave man outfit of an animal skin over one shoulder and hanging around with best friend Barney Rubble. The Flintstones were the modern age vision of a Stone Age…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Noted Anthropologist – Early Man “Flintstone” was Homosexual
Posted in Making Headlines

Libertarians Successfully Slash Gov Jobs, Unemployment Magically Rises

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Libertarians Successfully Slash Gov Jobs, Unemployment Magically Rises
Posted in Human Interest

Entire Population Blocs Heading for Hills to Avoid Biometric “Tech”

Technological advances in how people are doing their business these days have prompted one of the largest exoduses in America. Entire close-knit groups, mainly large families banding together, are pooling their resources and heading for the rugged wilderness found in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Entire Population Blocs Heading for Hills to Avoid Biometric “Tech”
Posted in Sports Events

Rose Bowl Parade Officials Cancel N. Korean Army Marching Deal

Pasadena, CA – Rose Bowl Parade officials sent an official notice to members of the elite North Korean Army’s precision marching corp. The letter gave notice that due to recent international nuclear tensions, the participation of the 10,000 man North…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Rose Bowl Parade Officials Cancel N. Korean Army Marching Deal
Posted in Biz News Health

If McDonald’s Gets Gov Health Insurance Exemption, Who’s Next?

Rules are made to be broken and it appears that may be happening in the case of the fast food giant McDonald’s when it comes to complying with the new rules handed down under the Health Care Reform Bill. We…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! If McDonald’s Gets Gov Health Insurance Exemption, Who’s Next?
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Mel Gibson Writes Toilet Paper Check to Grigorieva for Child Support

Mel Gibson, recently ordered to start paying the mother of his child an additional $15,000 a month in child support, decided to take the opportunity to show Grigorieva just how much he disliked the idea and penned a check on…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Mel Gibson Writes Toilet Paper Check to Grigorieva for Child Support
Posted in Politics Society

Budget Cutbacks Release Hoards of Idiot Nephews

NEW BRIGHTON, Pennsylvania (BNSE) — State and local law enforcement agencies were placed on high alert today as thousands of idiot nephews began massing around the state in the wake of massive layoffs from state agencies and local businesses due…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Budget Cutbacks Release Hoards of Idiot Nephews
Posted in Crime Entertainment

Hollywood Judge Sentences Lindsay Lohan to Gas Chamber

HOLLYWOODLAND, California (GlossyNews) — After failing several court mandated drug and alcohol tests that were part of her sentencing arrangement in a recent DUI case involving drugs, actress Lindsay Lohan has found herself once again in the celebrity spotlight while…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Hollywood Judge Sentences Lindsay Lohan to Gas Chamber