Posted in Politics

Obama Suffers Criticism After Bowing to the Burger King

President Barack Obama found himself in a predicament after TV cameras caught him paying homage by bowing to, of all people….the Burger King mascot! (Image courtesy of the ever-clever Glenn McCoy.) After several on-camera bows to the Emperor of Japan,…

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Posted in Biz News Politics

GOP Announces “No Millionaire Left Behind” Tax Reform

PARK PLACE HOTEL, NY (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In the latest Congressional wrangling over tax policy, Republicans proposed sweeping new reforms, dubbed “No Millionaire Left Behind,” that would permanently slash taxes for the wealthiest…

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Posted in Kidz Zone Television

Upset Lassie Leaves Timmy Down The Well

Through an interpreter (the Dog Whisperer), Lassie has informed local police the she has no plans to tell them which well Timmy is stuck in. The famous collie, who has saved the boy from multiple wells, caves, fires, storms, lions,…

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Posted in Politics

Joe Biden Claims He Invented “The Intercourse”

At a recent dinner event, Vice President Joe Biden not only gave away classified secrets to the press, but claimed he’s taking credit for inventing intercourse along with Al Gore! According to a Biden Spokesman, ” Intercourse pretty much goes…

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Posted in Politics

Seattle Rally to Restore Sanity Needs Donation of Sign-Making Materials

We’re having our second sign-making party, and we need materials to make the signs. The Seattle Rally is established as a 501c3 non-profit, so your donations are more than welcome (and desperately needed,) and it looks like they are also…

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Posted in Human Interest

Millions of Americans Trapped Below Middle Class w/o Rescue Plan

Rescuers are busy on a plan to reach millions of Americans who have become trapped somewhere between middle class and lower class without much of a chance of survival. They claim a level of greed several hundred feet thick is…

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Posted in Internets Tubes World News

Facebroker Replaces Facebook in Somalia

MOGADISHU, Somalia – High seas pirates tired of battling high seas and all those US and French Naval ships have decided to become landlubbers again and do what their fellow continental Nigerians are doing, scamming people from solid ground. They’ve…

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Posted in Politics Science & Technologizzy

Obama Expresses Concerns Over CERN Collider Making Black Ho’s

Science, especially sub-particle acceleration, is not one of President Obama’s strong points, and coupled with a familiar slang term often used on inner city streets, it wasn’t long before a public speaking engagement would go wrong and embarrass the Administration….

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Posted in Politics Serious Commentary

Middle America Vast, but Moderate America Massive

Politicians and pundits in recent years have harped on the tired adage of “real America”, though the term is as uncertain as climate change. That is to say, it’s a very clear metric, but staunch conservatives are just in plain…

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Posted in Health Human Interest

Seattle Opens Innovative Self-Help Health Clinics

SEATTLE, Washington – A group of enterprising doctors today were granted a license by the State Board of Medical Examiners in Washington State to open the first of what they hope to be many self-help walk-in clinics in America. Based…

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Posted in Making Headlines

Medical Marijuana Surges $0.00 on 105-Ton Tijuana Pot Seizure

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Posted in Human Interest Religionism

Westboro Baptist Sues God Claiming He “Doesn’t Really Mind Fags”

Washington, DC (GlossyNews.com): The Westboro Baptist Church, the controversial religious sect best known for protesting the funerals of slain war veterans and their “God Hates Fags” protest signs, announced a startling lawsuit against God in Federal District Court today. According…

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Posted in Crime Politics

Politicos Recovering After Freak Grizzly Attacks

SAN FRANCISCO, CA. (GN) —Glossy News Over the past several weeks, there have been reports of a number of unknown female grizzly attacks. These reports are from Utah, Washington, California, Delaware, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, Georgia, New Hampshire, West Virginia and…

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Posted in Biz News Politics

Labor Dept’s Latest Report Shows Stimulus Created a Job

Hope Springs, Maryland (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In a triumphant moment for President Obama, the Labor Department’s newest monthly report showed that despite lingering high unemployment, the President’s stimulus program almost certainly created a…

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Posted in Religionism Strange People

‘Eat-A-Turd for the Taliban’ Big Success In Tribal Afghanistan

AFGHANISTAN (GlossyTribalNews) — In the remote tribal areas of Afghanistan, the Taliban declared today as the official “Eat A Turd For Muhammad Day.” Hundreds of armed Taliban fighters visited scores of remote tribal villages and forced village people at gunpoint…

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Posted in Politics

Defeating the Enthusiasm Gap, Absentee-Style

The buzz word this election cycle is voter apathy, and the GOP is banking on it heavier than the “Viagra for child molesters” myth. In absence of tangible ideas (like what programs they’d actually cut,) it seems the only thing…

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Posted in Politics World News

WikiLeaks Revelation: Iranian President “Some Kind of F’d Up Elf”

Sydney, Australia (BNSE): Wikileaks, the controversial Australian based organization which recently rocked the American intelligence community with the release of thousands of classified documents linked to the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, has sent shock waves again with the release…

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Posted in Crime Health

Woman “Torn Between Two Lovers” Demands Body Parts Back

A North Dakota woman who was “torn between two lovers” said that she would appreciate the return of her body parts. Tonya Olive said from her hospital bed that she could do a lot more to please each man sexually…

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Posted in Making Headlines

Christine O’donnell Threatens Lagging Supporters with Newts, Brew

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Posted in Religionism Technology

God Releases His Bible Tablet Beta 0.92

MT. ARARAT, ISRAEL —GlossyNews In a rather earth-shaking display today, God has brought the Burning World Bible Tablet to “My People on earth”, as he said in a poorly attended news conference called by Pope B*dict XVI by teleconference from…

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