FOX Struggles To Replace “Fair And Balanced” With More Accurate Slogan.

FOX News, painfully aware of the hypocrisy behind their using of the motto ‘Fair And Balanced’ when it is obvious to all with at least two eyes in their head that they are a major blow-horn for right wing shills, is trying to come up with a slogan that is more true to their nature. “Let The Masses Have The Luxury of Ignorance” had already been used by Hitler, so they are forced to use their limited creativity to come up with a new one. Many at the station are angrily dogmatic about preserving the “Fair And Balanced” logo, but they tend to be the unbalanced ones who are in the majority. The clearer sighted ones realize the need for a change tend to quit and become Democrats, but there are still a few who, behind their coke bottled glasses, know that it is time to do some serious self analysis and call in image tweakers to do it for them.
Some of the possible choices being thrown around are:

  1. Proud Owners of The Republican Party
  2. We Think So You Don’t Have To
  3. Putting The “Right” Into Right Wing
  4. Feeding Fanatical Fan Frenzy For Free
  5. You’re Glad We Took Over
  6. Keeping Alive The Illusion Of Liberal Media Domination
  7. Bringing The Left To It’s Knees By Kicking Them In The Shins
  8. Brainwash? What Brainwash?
  9. We Deport, You Reside
  10. Avarice, Arrogance And Aggressiveness With A Smile
  11. Watch “Fox Friends with Benefits” at 6am EST
  12. Turning Half Truths Into Dogmas Before Your Very Eyes
  13. Bias? What Bias?
  14. More than Just Cranks For Jesus
  15. Making Machiavellian Politics A Reality
  16. Paving The Way To The Utopia Of Totalitarianism
  17. Turning Character Assassination Into A Fine Art
  18. Preparing The Way For A New Caesar In A New Rome
  19. Bringing Back The Dark Ages To Our Modern Times

Editor’s Note: While I can’t imagine there would be any sort of backlash on this fair, balanced story, I’d like to open a warm welcome to the discussion in the comments below. I’m confident there won’t be very many and they won’t be in any way heated, but there have to be some real gems that didn’t make the original list.

Also check out FOX News Agrees to Add Satire Disclaimer and Fox News Group Leads in Dumbing Down America.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at

17 thoughts on “FOX Struggles To Replace “Fair And Balanced” With More Accurate Slogan.

  1. #11 is the best…”Fox and Friends with Benefits.”
    The rest are from the monkeys in a room with typewriters doing Shakespeare.

    I would add suggestions that get to the inside thinking of Roger Ailes, as he is the only one who counts in the place…

    “Fcuk you if you can’t take a joke.”
    “Papering your walls with Princess Nancy.”
    “Mindless over matter.”
    And the newly popular, “Oops, I can’t.”

  2. …”Why Let Facts Stand In Our Way?”
    or “We Help Put The ‘Con’ In Congress!”
    or “Interpreting The Constitution The Same Way The Inquisition Interpreted The Bible.”
    or “Bending The Truth To Fit Our Needs.”
    or “Rendering The GLOP Of The GOP.”
    or “Why Use A Full Truth When A Half Truth Will Do.”

    One could go on forever with this one…

  3. How about….’News Made Simple So A Democrat Can Understand it’ or ‘Fair and Balanced…We Don’t Use Big Words To Confuse All Liberal Viewers’

  4. why not just “All the News That Fits Our Agenda”

    or “Just Look at Our Newsbabes!”

    or “We Report What You Already Want to Think”

  5. Hey Brian there’s an exception…Resident Headline News hottie Robin Meade. Bet you thought I was gonna say Joy Behar, right?

  6. ‘Our news babes have all their teeth’… That there is a mighty fine straw man, unless you’re suggesting that Diane Rehm wears dentures.

  7. “We show lefties how to think clearly”?
    Go back and read ‘We think so you don’t have to.’, ‘Brainwash? What brainwash.’, ‘If we want your opinion we’ll give it to you’, ‘ and ‘Our bimbos actually sound like they really know something.’
    Should read more carefully next time.

    Here I was thinking ‘What a lame comment section this one is.’ I guess I just had to wait.

  8. How about…’We’ll show the lefties how to think clearly’ or ‘Our news babes have all their teeth’

  9. Or “Political Road Rage Delivered To Your Home TV”
    or “Reconfiguring Facts As Quick As We Can”
    or “Rednecks R Us”

    (This is great, I can write all I want and the editor doesn’t mess with it!)

    or “We’ll Tell You What You Want To Believe In”
    or “If We Want Your Opinion We’ll Give It To You”

  10. How about….FOX becomes truly fgair and balanced when it hires a Scandinavian One-Legged Juggler! Just saying……….

  11. How about “Plastic Patriots For Palin”
    Or “We Won’t Rest Until Everyone Is Under Our Spell”
    Or “Media Monopoly Murdoch Style”
    Or “Don’t Look At That Man Behind The Curtain- He Really Is The Great And Powerful Wizard Of Aus(tralia)!” (And America Too)
    Or “Our Bimbos Actually Sound Like They Really Know Something”

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