Honored writer, and now United States presidential candidate for the upcoming 2012 elections, Bargis Tryhol finally revealed his own Economic Stimulus plan to a throng of reporters outside his Gainesville mobile home.
Bargis Tryhol, the endearing and witty writer turned political activist, and now a leading Presidential Candidate, issued his own home -grown style stimulus plan that he claims will end the economic turn down currently spreading throughout the US.
At the prodding of supporters, Tryhol took to the public airwaves in order to get his message out to the millions of suffering Americans who are disgusted at career politicians who spend most of their time preparing to get themselves re-elected instead of taking care of the People’s business in Washington.
“It’s simple really, just a tweak here and there and it will abruptly end! None of this goofy Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi political stupidity.”
Tryhol’s hands grasped the lecturn in determination as he began his long awaited economic speech….
“My fellow Americans…First, there are over 40 million workers who are over 50 years of age. With my plan the government will pay each of them $1 million dollars to retire! That allows 40 million new job openings! See? Unemployment crisis over!”
“Second, as a condition of receiving that $1 million retirement buyout, each new retiree must purchase a new, US made car or truck, or maybe a motor home within 30 days or forfeit all monies. The auto industry will certainly rebound with sales of 40 million new autos! See? Manufacturing crisis over!”
“Third, as a further condition, each new millionaire retiree must purchase a new or existing home. With 40 million pieces of real estate changing hands, it will pull us out of the recession quick. See? Housing and real estate crisis over!
Fourth, and as in a predetermined plan along with other oil consuming nations with vast agricultural assets like ourselves, we will work together to raise the price on a bushel of wheat to $100.00. That special ‘tax’ will only pertain to all food exports to OPEC members. Oil prices should tumble in a matter of weeks once their pita bread runs out!”
Fifth, as part of a stimulous for technological advancement in science and manufacturing, with-in 24 hours of taking office I will notify the Russinas that the Cold War is back on! I don’t think they’ll dally away the hours selling any more nuclear reactors and armaments to our enemies.
Thank you and God Bless the United States!”
As a further incentive to maintain good future busines ethics, Tryhol proposed that banking fraud, stock and commodities manipulation, and corruption crimes by any politician in office be classified as ‘Capital Crimes’ in which the perpetrator, upon trial and conviction, will be shot or hanged by a group of their peers within 24 hours.