Month: April 2010
Airplane Pilot Killed by iPod Listener Likely Never Heard Him
Jersey City, NJ (GlossyNews) — A man listening to his iPod while learning to ride a rental 1967 Schwinn Fastback 5-speed tried desperately to gear down as he approached the tarmac just minutes before a Boeing 747 was set to…
World’s Last Palestinian Dies in an Israeli Zoo
FUTUREFILE Israel, 2023 – The world’s last Palestinian, an old female named Afnan, has died in an Israeli zoo, eliminating the chance that any Arab will ever again be referred to as a “Palestinian.” Back in 2016, Afnan was found…
Glossy News Wins Pulitzer Prize
Tonopah, NV Reuters — Humor news media titan Glossy News has won the Pulitzer in this year’s newly added “Best exploitation of a disaster” category. The committee cited GNN’s round the clock coverage from earthquake ravaged Hawaii. Media watchers were…
‘Survivor’ Producer’s Wife Voted Off Planet
MEXICO CITY, Mexico (GlossyNews) — Emmy nominated reality television producer Bruce Beresford-Redman has been detained as a suspect in the killing of Monica Beresford-Redman, his wife. According to officials in Cancun, the body of Monica Beresford-Redman was found in a…
Yoko Ono Finally Admits: I Broke Up ‘The Beatles’
The Dakota, CPW, NY, NY (GlossyNews) — Rumor has it that Yoko Ono has finally admitted that yes, she may have helped break up the Fab Four. “I was young, jealous, and Asian – you do the math,“ she supposedly…
Obama to Nominate Oprah to Supreme Court
Washington DC (GlossyNews) — In a surprise move President Obama is set to nominate media mogul Oprah Winfrey to fill the Supreme Court vacancy created by retiring Justice John Paul Stevens. According to sources Winfrey will continue starring in her…
Democrats Euthanize Elderly to Make Snack Foods
Macon, GA (GlossyNews) — Intrepid FOX News reporters have uncovered a heinous Left Wing plot to do in America’s older generation. While many were declaring the hard right’s scary threats that the Left was going to let older citizens die…
New York Governor Plans to Make You Pay to Poop
New York, NY 10017 (GlossyNews) — At a press this morning, Governor David Paterson unveiled a drastic overhaul to the operation of New York public restrooms meant to reign in spending and generate new revenue for the debt ridden state. “I’ve pretty much cut every…
Feds Arrest Christian Horse Militia for July 4th Plans
Abercrombie, MI (GlossyNews) — Breaking News: A Christian militia, made up entirely of horses, was arrested today for planning a stampede through the middle of Main Street, USA on July 4th. The leader of the herd, known only as Star,…