Jersey City, NJ (GlossyNews) — A man listening to his iPod while learning to ride a rental 1967 Schwinn Fastback 5-speed tried desperately to gear down as he approached the tarmac just minutes before a Boeing 747 was set to take off. Even though the Schwinn’s gears were grinding loudly, the noise was not enough to warn the pilot, George Died, who had just gotten out to check the air in the right front tire of the plane.
“George noticed the plane pulling a little to the right when we taxied to the runway,” said co-pilot Jason Fritter. “So he decided to get out and check. I was ready to feed the hose of the cigarette lighter air pump I received from my brother-in-law last Christmas. I saw George kick the tire once, reach up for the hose, and then I heard a faint grinding noise and someone singing “You give love a bad name”. It just kept getting louder. I’ll never forget it. Just when he got to the “shot through the heart” part, I heard “oh shit” then I saw a flash and George was gone. He’s gone. Over there, four hundred yards through that fence.”
Several passengers who witnessed the tragic accident were too traumatized to comment about what they saw.
Others spoke freely:
“I just don’t understand why he [the rider] couldn’t have just stopped. He could have at least swerved. Those bikes aren’t that hard to ride,” noted Jesse Pool, a bicycle shop owner.
“He [the rider] tried hard. I mean, his feet were pedaling like there was no tomorrow. Problem was, they were going backwards. Everybody should know the brakes on a 5-speed are only on the handle grips. They should teach this stuff in school,” added John Besser, a debt consolidator.
“That pilot got what he deserved. He should have known better than to get out and do that. That’s what they pay those mechanics for. He was just takin’ away somebody’s job,” remarked Dino Antonelli, head of the local Teamsters union.
“We’ll be scarred for life. I mean, one of the world’s greatest songs will never be the same for him or me again. I might just remove it from my playlist,” cried Katy Simpelo, a fellow iPod listener and huge Bon Jovi fan.
The rider, known by the locals as the “hugest Bon Jovi fan ever”, was ticketed with operating a vintage bicycle with only a learner’s permit on an airport tarmac and without a licensed rider while listening to an Mp3 player.
There is no word yet on whether he will be charged with manslaughter, but he has been detained until he pays the $1,400 damage to the stripped gears in the bicycle shifter and he replaces the six feet of fence.
Update: The rider was charged and acquitted of involuntary manslaughter charges. This was after a ferocious fight by the prosecutor to move the trial out of New Jersey, the home Bon Jovi.
As for the iPod, it was never returned. But three weeks after the accident, it was being used by a taxi driver named Iman during another airport altercation where his fare shouted, “All clear!”, before slamming the trunk down on Iman’s hand. Police are investigating how the Mp3 player got into Iman’s now shriveled hand.