Month: April 2010
Supreme Court to Allow Corporations to Carry Guns
Washington DC (GlossyNews) — The United States Supreme Court has declared that faceless corporations, now considered full citizens with all the rights of free speech and whatnot, can now openly carry their weapon of choice in public. During the hearing,…
Gays Not Allowed to Pray in Wisconsin
Milwaukee, WI (GlossyNews) -– A Wisconsin District Court Judge appropriately named Crabb has ruled that there will be no praying on National Prayer Day unless it is done in private. “Whether you are an atheist or a true believer, a…
The Pope Faces A Day In Court
VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — A leading Atheist Richard Dawkins has hinted on the possibility of suing the Pope on child abuse cover ups in the Catholic church when he was Cardinal. This revelation has not led to a proper response…
Band of Apes Challenges Theory of Evolution
Bailey’s Crossroads, VA (GlossyNews) — A band of African Mountain Gorillas has arrived in Washington D.C. for a hearing in District Court to debunk Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, and challenge the findings in the famous Scopes Monkey Trial that allows…
TV Psychics Haunted by Ghostless House
Greenville, SC (GlossyNews) — The parapsychology community was confronted this week by an event some termed frightening. Fans of A&E’s popular “Paranormal Squad” were shocked this week when series regulars Kate, Bob and Xi Liang came a cropper in a…
Yoko Ono Admits She Also Broke Up the Partridge Family
San Pueblo, CA (GlossyNews) — In a recent interview with Glossy News, Yoko Ono admitted, finally, that she was responsible for the break up of The Beatles. In an interesting side note, Ono went on to say that she was…
Many San Francisco Homeless Are Simply Lost
Daly City, CA (GlossyNews) — Karen Salvio came to San Francisco in 1994, a bright-eyed young woman fresh out of college. After she moved into her new apartment, she went out for the evening to have a few drinks. But…
Michael Moore Added to Supreme Court List to Spite Conservatives
Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) Both critics and supporters of President Obama are expressing equal measures of dismay by a recent announcement that liberal filmmaker Michael Moore is on the short list to replace Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens. Justice Stevens…
One Dead After Conflicting iPhone Apps Simultaneously Open
Des Plains, IL (GlossyNews) — A Park Ridge, IL wedding party turned to disaster when an iPhone user died and three more suffered minor burns after the man inadvertently opened a volatile combination of iPhone apps. Ray Lipton, 35, of…
Hollywood Faces Shortage of Lame Ideas
Hollywoodland, CA (GlossyNews) — It has been whispered for months among the tight knit enclaves of Tinsel town. Following a recent spate of high profile suicides however, insiders are now speaking openly on the panic gripping their industry. Hollywood is…