Month: March 2010
Anti-Obama ‘Satire’ Written by Zombies?
Much to the dismay of intelligent people the world over, anti-Obama satirists have become robotic, even predictable, running the same treadmill every day in an effort to bring him down. Their constant decrying of the President, no matter what he…
Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods Head Back to Work
Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods, who have been sharing a bachelor pad in Palm Beach, have announced that they are going back to work. Sheen said his main motivation was that he was going “stir crazy” spending 24 hours a…
Anti-Washington Sentiment Rampant in Washington
WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) – In a relentless and seemingly oxymoronic trend, more and more politicians are campaigning – successfully – on a platform of distrust of government officials. Various party primaries held in several states have shown a tendency for…
Education Bill Overhaul: Bad Teachers Charged as Criminals
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — A controversial portion of President Obama’s newest education initiative has come under fire from the American Federation of Teachers, which claims the measure is not only unconstitutional but absurd. The provision in the President’s overhaul of…
Previously Ignored Nostradamus Prediction Re-examined
Cologne, Germany (GlossyNews) Glossy News Headquarters, Europe — The following document was retrieved from the ‘Reject’ files in the Glossy News Interchange in Cologne, Germany. Upon retrospect it offers interesting insights into our present political life in the US: Unusual…
GOD: HUMANITY CURSED BECAUSE OF PACT MADE WITH PAT ROBERTSON
THE HEAVENS – In a rare public announcement, God Himself admitted today that Pat Robertson, who by all rights should have choked to death long ago on his own venomous rhetoric, continues to exist at His whim as an object…
Experts Predict Growth in Prediction Sector
Boca Raton, FL (GlossyNews) The Association for Pseudo-Intellectual Predictions held its annual conference in Boca Raton, Florida this weekend. Attendance was much higher than event organizers had anticipated. Keynote speaker Adam Lambert delivered an optimistic yet cautionary tone to the…
Mystery Man Wanted for Questioning in Slaying of Model
MIAMI, FL (GlossyNews) — Police in Miami have released a sketch of a suspect wanted for questioning in the case of a local model found burned inside a trash bin. The 26-year-old African American model was found last month; police…
Health Care Bill Passage Assured: Vampires Now On Board
Baltimore, MD (GlossyNews) — Speaking from Baltimore’s famed Holly Oaks Cemetery, last resting place of author Edgar Allen Polk, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi today revealed a strategy so stunning, even seasoned Washington wonks looked up from their pools of vomit…
GOP Opposes Jesus’ 2012 Presidential Campaign
KANSAS CITY, MO (GlossyNews) — Jesus Christ announced today that he is throwing his halo in the ring as a contender for the 2012 presidential race. Rather than commencing with the long-awaited Second Coming, the Big Three decided that He…