Experts Predict Growth in Prediction Sector

Boca Raton, FL (GlossyNews) The Association for Pseudo-Intellectual Predictions held its annual conference in Boca Raton, Florida this weekend. Attendance was much higher than event organizers had anticipated.

Keynote speaker Adam Lambert delivered an optimistic yet cautionary tone to the assembled APIP members. Reading from stuff written on his hand Mr. Lambert said, “Yes these are the golden days for the worthless prediction industry. The 24 hour news cycle, people are frightened and angry, therefore willing to listen to just about any dreck that gets spouted. You are Pericles, you are brave Hector at Troy, but mind well you may also be the tragic Achilles. Who, you get right down to it was a damned good looking man. Eventually Americans may wake up and realize you’re never correct. As John Locke wrote in his masterful treatise ‘Thoughts on simps who may someday gather in Boca Raton’ life is less overarching concept or ideal, than the accumulated effect of thousands of details and decisions. You, this august assemblage knows better than most, nobody really knows what the heck is going to happen next. Eventually Americans may realize you’re a collection of boogerheads, so prepare. Yes, this is a good year for predictors, you are brave Hector, but you are also doomed Achilles perhaps, who was really really hot!”

Response to the Lambert speech was overwhelmingly positive, exceeding predictions of APIP officials. Rush Limbaugh and James Carville were seen with tear stained cheeks, embracing each other and mumbling, “I’m so glad we have a job.”

Former NY Congressman Massa who is in negotiations to host a show for FOX News said, “I’d sure like to tickle that Adam Lambert, if ya know what I mean.”

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.