Month: March 2010
Apple Releases “Is It Raining?” App
CUPERTINO, CA (GlossyNews) — Steve Jobs, co-founder and CEO of Apple Inc., proudly took the podium yesterday at the company’s headquarters for a surprise product announcement. “The wait is over;” proclaimed Jobs, “I proudly give you the ‘Is It Raining?’…
Glenn Beck Wants Viewers’ Blood in Protest of Healthcare Reform
Taking a cue from the Red Shirt movement in Thailand where approximately 50,000 protesters siphoned their own blood to throw on members of Congress, Glenn Beck is considering asking his viewers to have their blood drawn and sent to his…
Three-Year-Old Shoots Father: “Purple Dinosaur Told Me To”
ANAHEIM, CA (GlossyNews) — On March 17, 2010, a three-year-old boy shot his father, an LAPD officer, with a service revolver. The shooting occurred in the family’s pickup truck at a traffic stop in Anaheim. Investigators are still trying to…
Michael Jackson’s Remains to Appear on “Dancing with the Stars”
HOLLYWOOD, CA (GlossyNews) — During a midday press conference, ABC announced a late addition to this season’s “Dancing with the Stars” celebrity lineup. “It’s a fine day for American Broadcasting,” Media Director Phil Lehman announced. “I’m pleased to tell you…
Man Ejected from Christian Rock Concert for Gesturing “Devil Horns”
OSHKOSH, WI (GlossyNews) — A local 18-year-old, Mark Edwards, was ejected from the Life Fest Christian Rock Festival this past weekend for displaying a rude gesture during one of the band’s performances. “I was watching Crossroads, and man, they we’re…
God Rejects Billionaires’ Joint Bid To Buy Earth
ALBUQUERQUE, NM (GlossyNews) — God Almighty, sole owner and creator of the earth, has categorically denied a joint bid by Carlos Slim Helu, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Mukesh Ambani, Lakshmi Mittal and other billionaire club members to buy the planet.
Teen’s Math Jokes Fail to Score
APPLETON, WI (GlossyKidsNews) – Despite attempts of wooing potential dates with dazzling wit and humor, Appleton East High School sophomore and champion “mathlete” Jon Henderson, appears to be striking out at love. “Girls should be throwing themselves at me after…
New Conservative Book: Everything We Know About Politics We Learned In Kindergarten
The Republican Party in conjunction with FOX News is celebrating their collaborative publishing effort, a new book called ‘Everything We Need To Know About Politics We Learned In Kindergarten’. Its publication has started such a buying frenzy among their constituents…
Al Qaeda Suicide Bomber Interview Captured on Video
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — CIA Director Leon Panetta released today a portion of a captured al Qaeda suicide bomber job interview. In the scene, the jihadist recruiter attempts to determine if he should take a chance on the earnest young…
Famed Aviator Capt. Clarence Oveur Dead at 83
POMONA, CA (GlossyNews) — Captain Clarence Oveur, an aviation legend, has died of a heart attack. He was 83. Oveur was one of the heroes responsible for the successful landing of distressed Trans American flight 209 to Chicago in 1980.