Posted in Kidz Zone Society

Garbage Men: (Cost) Effective Substitute for Teachers

Thousands of untrained staff – including night club bouncers, postmen, driving instructors and even binmen – are being used as “cheap labour” to cover for absent teachers according to a report leaked by disaffected snitches at the Ministry of Education.

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Posted in Health Society

Killer Biscuits Banned in EU Coffee Shops

The latest piece of asinine legislature to emerge from the EU’s Ministry for Wasting Time and Money in Brussels involves HSE risk assessments for every possible human function and endeavour – from brewing a cup of tea or coffee to…

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Posted in World News

Bad Times: Cory’s Curse Kicks in Big Time

Former Republic of the Philistines leader Cory Aquino, Asia’s first female president, died a couple of weeks ago at the age of 176. Aquino had been afflicted with a chronic case of ‘holier-than-thou’ syndrome for decades and been further suffering…

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Posted in Biz News Internets Tubes

Study Finds Courier Pigeon Out-Performs BT Broadband

BT’s wholly exaggerated 8 Mb/s broadband service promised to unite the world with super-fast data delivery – but across Britain it seems their web connection speed is markedly slower than a humble carrier pigeon.

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Posted in Human Interest

Pensioner Crushed Under Pile of Old Tat

The body of an elderly shopaholic was found underneath piles of cut price car boot sales tat, chrome-plated bric-a-brac and other similar cheap materialistic crap and bling items – which crushed her to death, an inquest heard today at a…

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Posted in Politics Strange People

Palin to Cook eBay Auction $63.5K Fundraiser Dinner

WASILLA, ALASKA — A woman defense contractor in Huntsville, Ala., won the “Dangerous” Dining with Sarah Palin eBay auction — her bid was $63,500. Auction details only allow the winning bidder to bring three friends to the dinner. Palin’s spokeswoman…

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Posted in Society

Ask Hank: Best Man Blues

Dear Hank, I just got snubbed for the “Best Man” spot in my best friend’s wedding. He promised it to me years ago, and then when he got engaged I reminded him I had the job. He laughed it off,…

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Posted in Talky Pictures

Roman Polanski Granted Amnesty for Genius, Survival

Roman Polanski, acclaimed film director, holocaust survivor, and unfortunate lover of an underage girl was granted international amnesty by the United Nations Friday morning. Decades of brilliant films once religated to languish the waste-lands of B-movie europe can once again…

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Posted in Making Headlines

McCain Continues Lambasting Obamacare, Gravity, Having Picked Palin

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Posted in Biz News World News

France’s Telecom Now Suicide Central

French Telecom workers staged protests on Thursday over a wave of a suicides that union leaders blame on the company’s failure to help staff deal with the stress from restructuring (read mass firings, redundancies and lateral – more at descending…

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Posted in Sports Sports Scandals Sportsfolk

Prima Donna Maradona Mugged by Taxman

In the surreal world of overpaid celebrity soccer prima donnas Argentina’s national team manager Diego Maradona has been hit, mugged, fleeced, done over and truly dusted by Italian tax police in the country’s northern province of Bonzo : where the…

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Posted in Religionism Society Strange People

Innovative Indonesia: One Sharia Step Forward – Two Humane Steps Back

In an all-out attempt to catch up with the 21st Century and their high-tech’ Occidental peers, the foot-dragging Muslim community of Sumatra’s basket case Aceh province seem to be stuck in the Islamic year of 1430 and have just taken…

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Posted in Crime Human Interest Strange People

Knackers to Knockers: Tranny Prisoner Wins Appeal

The refusal to move a pre-operative transsexual prisoner from a men’s jail to a women’s prison is a violation of her human rights, according to a High Court judge. Deputy Judge Fellatia Faggorotti quashed Justice Secretary Jack Straw’s decision to…

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Posted in Health

New Malpractice Defense Tactic: Doctors Told to Fess Up

Washington, D.C. – On the advice of their attorneys and malpractice insurance company executives, doctors are now stepping forward and admitting their mistakes, hoping that a sincere apology and a couple of bucks will make multi-million dollar malpractice and wrongful…

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