Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Quangos Blackball Everyday English Phrases

In a further attempt to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that the World has gone totally tits-up barmy dozens of UK quangos and unleashed taxpayer-funded organisations have ordered a purge of common words and phrases so as not to cause…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Quangos Blackball Everyday English Phrases
Posted in Health

Human Guinea Pig Mutations Blamed on Sunny D’

A final sanitised report into a clinical trial of the experimental drug TGN 1412 at a Little Hampton clinic that left six men seriously mutated in March found the catastrophic adverse physical reactions they suffered were not due to errors…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Human Guinea Pig Mutations Blamed on Sunny D’
Posted in Biz News

Bathroom Reading At Work, Man Sets Own Record

Chicago – Looking for some peace and quiet to catch up on your reading? Try the bathroom at work. That’s right. Scott Edmunds (Not his real name), an accountant for an unnamed accounting firm in Chicago, recently read the entire…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Bathroom Reading At Work, Man Sets Own Record
Posted in Environment Strange People

Racist Row Revving Up, Four Sure to End Up on the Floor

A Smegmadale driver spent two nights in jail after being accused of the latest numpty-dumpty politically-incorrect crime of “revving his car in a racist manner”.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Racist Row Revving Up, Four Sure to End Up on the Floor
Posted in World News

Milband the Millipede Makes Faux Pas 1,782

Foreign Secretary David Millipede once again stuck his foot ankle deep in the brown smelly stuff yesterday by publicly declaring that there were circumstances in which terrorism was justifiable.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Milband the Millipede Makes Faux Pas 1,782
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Panda Testes Apparently “Quite a Turn Off”, Say Crypto-Aphrodesians

In a surprising turn-around the Sino Council on Virility has rescinded their long-standing endorsement of ground n’ powdered panda junk, citing universal complaints from their users including “smells kinda funky”, “what the hell is this nasty powder,” and “Come on…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Panda Testes Apparently “Quite a Turn Off”, Say Crypto-Aphrodesians
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Patrick Swayze Abs to be Sold in Creepy Benefit Auction

Famous dirty dancer and proxy child molester Patrick Swayze shuffled off the mortal coil last month, and the fine folks at Sotheby’s have found no better way to pay tribute than by pawning off the cryptic remainder of his abs…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Patrick Swayze Abs to be Sold in Creepy Benefit Auction
Posted in Making Headlines

Strong Weather Predicted in a Place

No update as to exact locale. Details to follow.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Strong Weather Predicted in a Place
Posted in Biz News

Harrods Bans Last of the Mohicans, Presumably on Purpose

A woman whose hair was cut in a Mohican style and dyed incandescent vomit green to raise money for the charity ‘Brain Dead’ was refused entry to Harrods in Shitesbridge because she breached the store’s regulations banning both Cowboys and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Harrods Bans Last of the Mohicans, Presumably on Purpose
Posted in Environment Technology

Japan Finally Makes Worse Car Than U.S.

TOKYO, JAPAN- Japanese engineers working for Toyota shocked the world today by announcing that they have at long last created a car worse than any car made in the United States. After a bold promise made by Chief Engineer Fukashi…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Japan Finally Makes Worse Car Than U.S.
Posted in Politics Top Stories

CIA Playing Hardball with Obama

In an exclusive interview with the Washington Times, a senior CIA official said the Agency was in payback mode with the White House. Insisting he be referred to only as “Leon P” to protect his identity, the official revealed that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! CIA Playing Hardball with Obama
Posted in Crooked Cops Human Interest

Karma: Riot Cops Gas Themselves

Eighteen trainee officers have suffered burns to the faces, gone blind and had their lungs permanently damaged during a CS gas spray training exercise for the Greater Manchester Police’s ‘Riot Plod Squad’. The rookie recruits – hired from the redundant…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Karma: Riot Cops Gas Themselves
Posted in War Zone

Top Dog US General: Afghan War is FUBAR

The commanding US general in Afghanistan has called for a revised military strategy, suggesting the current one is totally Fubar. In a top secret strategic assessment sent to the US Central Command – endorsed with a bright red “Eyes Only…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Top Dog US General: Afghan War is FUBAR
Posted in Making Headlines

Triple-Negative Grocer Doesn’t Not Have No Bananas

It’s true, or allegedly so. We’ve had trouble verifying the story for semantic as much as practical reasons.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Triple-Negative Grocer Doesn’t Not Have No Bananas
Posted in Politics

Obama May Target World Unemployment

National Enquirer – Part 3 of John’s Smith’s report of his time on Martha’s Vineyard posing as a landscaper at President Obama’s compound. Before he was discovered and removed by Secret Service agents, Smith managed to tape several strategy meetings Obama conducted with advisors. In the following transcript, the President leads a brainstorming session on correcting the nation’s dismal employment situation:

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama May Target World Unemployment
Posted in Society

Ask Hank: My Wife Has Been Bugging Me…

Dear Hank, My wife has been bugging me for months now to clean out the garage and I’m sick of hearing her naggin’. Why, just the other day, she threatened that if I didn’t haul all that junk away this…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Ask Hank: My Wife Has Been Bugging Me…
Posted in Health Technology

Genetic Engineering Goes Bananas, Boosts Chimp IQ’s

UK police and Interpol are hot on the trail of a troop of thirty-plus chimpanzees that escaped from their enclosure at Chester Zoo in Cheshire this weekend, forcing visitors to flee in terror.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Genetic Engineering Goes Bananas, Boosts Chimp IQ’s
Posted in Sports Scandals Strange People

Dan Rather: CBS Spiked Biden “60 Minutes” Interview

Former CBS Anchor Dan Rather charged today that the network recently spiked a “60 Minutes” interview with Vice President Joe Biden under pressure from the White House. “I heard that Rahm Emanuel previewed the tape and found Biden harder to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Dan Rather: CBS Spiked Biden “60 Minutes” Interview
Posted in World News

EU Decision Throws Europe into Darkness

Hours, KW – The Eiffel Tower is now a threat to aviation safety as it stands unlit in the Paris night. Other famous landmarks in various European cities have gone dark as well due to the European Union’s decision to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! EU Decision Throws Europe into Darkness
Posted in Kidz Zone Travel

Tribal Native Denies “Being a Ninja”, Secretly Dreams

It was the strangest thing. We were having a runaway, rampant day out, doing our darnedest to span the landscape of the Puerto Rican interestosphere, regardless of the locals’ patent refusals to engage us in our media-istic capacities. It was…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tribal Native Denies “Being a Ninja”, Secretly Dreams
Posted in Kidz Zone Politics

Obama Schools Speech Fiasco Amuses Kids

President Barack Obama has delivered a junior State of the Nation speech to American schoolchildren, broadcast live to classrooms across the entire good ole US of A – from kindergarten age to upper high school grades.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Schools Speech Fiasco Amuses Kids
Posted in World News

Afghan Election Results Officially Recognized as FUBAR

In the southern Afghan poppy-growing region of Shit-or-Bust the tribesmen held one of their time-honoured beardie pow-wow’s by getting together around the campfire just prior to the recent presidential election for a fart-fest and to discuss which candidate they would…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Afghan Election Results Officially Recognized as FUBAR
Posted in Religionism

Common Purpose? – Dial 666

There are now legions of people in the UK cognisant that the planned Kaflaesque-Orwellian European Union Superstate – following the manipulated ratification of the Lisbon Treaty – is just a matter of time and not one of ‘what if’ but…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Common Purpose? – Dial 666
Posted in Crooked Cops Society

Cops Can’t be Trusted with Fines

According to a report just released by the UK’s Manky Magistrates Commission the nation’s Plod Squads cannot be trusted to hand out summary justice and will act as “Prosecutor, Judge and Jury” if given further God-like powers to issue on-the-spot…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cops Can’t be Trusted with Fines
Posted in Biz News Health

Sneezy Pig Flu Panic Call Centres Close

The UK’s legion of Oinkyitis H1N1 pig flu emergency call centres are to close just weeks after opening because staff have been spending most of their time playing cards and board games and generally sitting around scratching their arses –…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sneezy Pig Flu Panic Call Centres Close
Posted in Human Interest Strange People

Teachers Stigmatize Pupils Due Birth Names

Shit-for-brains UK teachers with an NVQ1 diploma in Advanced Guesswork claim they can tell which pupils are likely to play up or be the local Anti-Christ incarnate simply by looking at their names – according to a recent government survey.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Teachers Stigmatize Pupils Due Birth Names
Posted in Human Interest Television

Arkansas Mum Has 19th Nervous Breakdown

Bobbie-Joe Muffitch from Twattown, Arkansas, is expecting her 19th new arrival in March next year.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Arkansas Mum Has 19th Nervous Breakdown
Posted in World News

Gordon Brown Makes 3-Minute Stop In Afghanistan

During a surprise visit to Afghanistan yesterday to change his underpants Gordon ‘Culpability’ Brown gave a strong indication that more British troops will be sent to the basket case dump of a nation-sized midden to replace all the broken ones…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Gordon Brown Makes 3-Minute Stop In Afghanistan
Posted in Environment Gadgets & Gizmos

Welcome to the EU’s New Dark Ages

Under the latest stupid EU ruling the manufacture and import of 100 watt incandescent light bulbs in Britain will be banned in favour of the CFL energy-saving variety – by which you can’t see to read – or write –…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Welcome to the EU’s New Dark Ages
Posted in Health

NHS Euthanasia Policy a Real Killer

As New Labour’s plan to slash the National Health Service workforce by 10% – from doctors to drudges – encounters caustic criticism, the Department of Ill-Health mandarins switch tracks and are now ordering nursing staff to cut all palliative care…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! NHS Euthanasia Policy a Real Killer