Month: September 2009
Ask Hank: Best Man Blues
Dear Hank, I just got snubbed for the “Best Man” spot in my best friend’s wedding. He promised it to me years ago, and then when he got engaged I reminded him I had the job. He laughed it off,…
Roman Polanski Granted Amnesty for Genius, Survival
Roman Polanski, acclaimed film director, holocaust survivor, and unfortunate lover of an underage girl was granted international amnesty by the United Nations Friday morning. Decades of brilliant films once religated to languish the waste-lands of B-movie europe can once again…
France’s Telecom Now Suicide Central
French Telecom workers staged protests on Thursday over a wave of a suicides that union leaders blame on the company’s failure to help staff deal with the stress from restructuring (read mass firings, redundancies and lateral – more at descending…
Prima Donna Maradona Mugged by Taxman
In the surreal world of overpaid celebrity soccer prima donnas Argentina’s national team manager Diego Maradona has been hit, mugged, fleeced, done over and truly dusted by Italian tax police in the country’s northern province of Bonzo : where the…
Innovative Indonesia: One Sharia Step Forward – Two Humane Steps Back
In an all-out attempt to catch up with the 21st Century and their high-tech’ Occidental peers, the foot-dragging Muslim community of Sumatra’s basket case Aceh province seem to be stuck in the Islamic year of 1430 and have just taken…
Knackers to Knockers: Tranny Prisoner Wins Appeal
The refusal to move a pre-operative transsexual prisoner from a men’s jail to a women’s prison is a violation of her human rights, according to a High Court judge. Deputy Judge Fellatia Faggorotti quashed Justice Secretary Jack Straw’s decision to…
New Malpractice Defense Tactic: Doctors Told to Fess Up
Washington, D.C. – On the advice of their attorneys and malpractice insurance company executives, doctors are now stepping forward and admitting their mistakes, hoping that a sincere apology and a couple of bucks will make multi-million dollar malpractice and wrongful…
UK Roller Coaster Apes Final Destination 3
In a real-life enactment of the horror movie Final Destination 3 two carriages on a giant roller coaster ride collided at the UK’s Slagpool Pleasure Beach yesterday when one of them became jammed on the rails through an accumulation of…
EPA: Free Speech Causes Global Warming
Washington, DC (BNSE): The Environmental Protection Agency released its updated quarterly findings today, which placed “Free Speech Carbon Emissions” as “one of the largest unchecked sources of Carbon Dioxide contamination in North America.”