A family of dodgy Balkan refugees who tried to lure back a lost dog by leaving a trail of their own urine around the streets near their home have been criticised by the town council as a bunch of irresponsible pisspots.
The Fuctifino family, of Scumford-on-Sea, lost their pet 7-year-old black long-tailed Mambahound ‘Nigger’ on the evening of 4th July – who is thought to have been scared shitless by the US Independence Day predator drone celebratory missile strike against Mr. Alf Qaeda’s 24/7 street corner convenience store and done a runner.
When Nigger failed to return home for his nightly bowl of roast swan giblets after a day chasing rats and seagulls around the local landfill site, and the traumatic thunderous attack on Mr. Qaeda’s nearby shop, the family put their IQ-deficient heads together and came up with a highly unorthodox method of getting their dog back.
Guido Fuctifino, owner of the local Pikey Pete’s car boot sale franchise, told a reporter from the Daily Shitraker “We’ve looked all over the rubbish tip an’ our housin’ estate for the dog with no luck but I’m not goin’ around the O’Dinga estate down the road shoutin’ “Here Nigger!” when the place is packed out wiv African immigrants an’ refugees.”
“Anyways, me 15-year old daughter Feryl Beryl had a butchers on her new laptop computer wot she nicked from school an’ this Google thingie search engine comes up wiv the idea of pissin’ all around the neighbourhood so the dog will smell it an’ follow the trail back to the house.”
“So we all go out wiv a big bottle of water each an’ keep suppin’ an’ toppin’ the old bladders up, an’ wander around pissin’ up walls an’ trees an’ lamp posts an’ stuff like that so Nigger will get the smell an’ follow it back home again.”
A Scumford-on-Sea Council spokeswoman, Candida Mingerot, told Pox News that sanitation officials were ‘really pissed off’ with the Fuctifino family’s actions, especially so with their daughter Feryl Beryl accidentally taking her weekly crap on the pavement outside WH Smiths while laying a personal scent trail – at lunchtime on a Saturday.
As of Monday morning a total of 38 stray dogs had congregated in the Fuctifino’s back garden – but none of them – so far – a black long-tailed Mambahound named ‘N*gger’.