Search Results for: trump
Florida Woman Makes Son Turn Down TV to “Conserve Sound”
A Jacksonville, Florida native has drawn widespread attention after asking her son to turn down his television in order to save sound. Gladys Welsh, age 83, was heard yelling to her son Timmy, age 45, to lower the volume on…
Karl Rove Reduced to Street Corner Begging; “Will Smear for Food”
Karl Rove Seen Begging On Street Corners- “Will Smear Someone for Food”. Little has been seen of Karl Rove, the Republican Wunderkind of underhanded politics, since his horrendous humiliation due to Obama winning the Presidential election- until now. Witness’s claim…
How I Successfully Trolled Ali G’s Cousin
A few days ago, for some reason, I was thinking on how to get my revenge on an Autism researcher who knows nothing about his subject and completely eclipses a woman who does, when a really wicked thought came to…
2012 – The Year in Review, Part 1: January – June
As has been the proud tradition of this prestigious news publication since 1975, it is time for Glossy News’ Annual Year in Review for 2012, where we look back at the important news stories of the past twelve months that…
Famous Americans Share Thanksgiving Messages of Gratitude
Glossy News interviewed famous Americans this past week, asking them “What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving season?” Here is a holiday gift basket of inspirational messages from some of our nation’s most illustrious, America-loving Americans. Ann Romney, wife of…
Karl Rove Meets His Dark Karma in a Filthy Washington Alley
Karl Rove, weasel extraordinaire and famous shill for the Republican Party, was found unconscious, beaten half to death and left lying in a Washington alley early this morning. Surveillance tapes retrieved from security cameras around the neighborhood revealed a most…
Rampant Mourning: Obama Conspires with Hurricane to Steal Election
In what has been the most polarizing campaign since our nation was torn apart by Pepsi’s shocking defeat of Coke in the Pepsi Challenge of 1975, it appears that thanks to an ingenious last-minute October Surprise maneuver, President Obama has…
November Surprise: Bush Hysterically Backs Barack
GlossyNews.com – In a surprise move, George W. Bush has endorsed Barack Obama in today’s election. “I know you all must think I’ve been drunking crazy-water,” said Mr. Bush. “But the more I looked at that Barry fellows record, the…
Microsoft Paperclip Endorses Mitt Romney
GlossyNews.com – The Microsoft Paperclip has declared that he is a Republican and has come to the aid of Mitt Romney with an 11th hour endorsement of the pro-corporate candidate. The Paperclip is largely known for his letter writing interventions,…
George Lucas Struggling to Spend 4 Additional Billion
George Lucas invented the Star Wars franchise, and with it, ushered in a new and previously unimagined era of movie merchandising. While he struggled to find ways to spend his first two billion dollars, he’s really at wits end now…