Category: Science & Technologizzy
The Universe Is F*cking Ridiculous, Say World’s Leading Astrophysicists
STOCKHOLM, Sweden—Last week, researchers from MIT, Cambridge, The Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, and other renowned institutions met at the World Astrophysics Conference in Stockholm, where many of the greatest minds in astrophysics debated the properties of dark matter, the…
Microbiologist Lies About Finding Life on Mars
PASADENA, Ca — Last Thursday, the team leading NASA’s Mars Science Laboratory mission made history when the rover Curiosity identified indisputable evidence of life on Mars—or so it seemed. The historic discovery, initially made by microbiologist Dr. James Weaver, turned…
Giant Sinkhole Draining Gulf of Mexico
NAPLES, FL – Despite warnings of rising coastal waters around the globe, scientists, in late 2012, found that the coastal waters abutting the Gulf of Mexico were actually declining at a rate of .001 (1/1000) inches per month. While in…
Strange Hieroglyphics Found on Russian Meteorite
Chelyabinsk, Russia – Scientists have located a large chunk of the Chelyabinsk meteorite that came crashing down in Siberia on February 15, causing injuries in this small village in the Ural region of Russia. The fragment was recovered from Lake…
China Lays Blame for Lunar Disaster On Female Driver
At a press conference Saturday China announced its lunar mission was in danger and appeared to lay blame on it’s female rover. The rover, named Yutu and translated as “Rickshaw Woman”, got off to a rocky start when it overshot…
Scientists Discover Modern World “May Be Bad For You”
A recent scientific discovery claims that modern conveniences are having negative side-effects on the mental and bodily health of many first-world inhabitants. Scientists from around the globe report today that modern conveniences, such as the luxury of remaining stationary and…
Business down the drainpipe for Mario Brothers
WORKERS have spoken of their sadness at a family run plumbing business has gone bust after 33 years trading. A group of plumbers in Louisville, KY announced last night that, the Mario Brothers Plumbing Ltd was to go into administration…
Ten Year Government Study Concludes People Like Beaches
Amity Island, FL – A recently completed government financed study of people’s weekend and holiday habits has concluded that people like beaches. “We weren’t sure why people were going to the seashore.” said lead research scientist Phil Pockets. “Was it…
Punxsutawney Phil Delegates Groundhogging Duties to Maringouin Mike
Citing career fatigue and the desire to sleep in on Super Bowl Sunday, Punxsutawney Phil announced today he will delegate his annual weather prognostication to longtime Louisiana business associate Maringouin Mike. “I’m proud to announce that Maringouin Mike will take…
Prepare the Anti-Matter Beam
Those words are not coming from a Star Trek script, or a Sci-Fi movie, they are actually being given by the scientists of ASACUSA , a multi-disciplinary collaboration between CERN and Japan’s RIKEN research center. ASACUSA team leader, Yasunori Yamazaki…