House GOP Deny Irrelevancy: “Bull Nipples Would be VERY Useful”
Washington, DC: Congressional Republicans reacted angrily today at accusations of abject incompetence and political irrelevance from both within and outside the party. Republican leaders denied their perceived lack of any direction for the country in terms of ideas or policies…
Nevada’s Chicken Ranch Putting Roosters in the Hen House
Due to new testing methods recently developed to test men’s peckers for STD’s, male prostitutes are slated to join in the chicken dance at brothels across rural Nevada. The owner of the first ranch to offer men up to clients…
Woman Blames Glenn Beck Show for Aging Prematurely
Shelley Saround began noticing her hair going gray about a year ago at the age of 23. In just a few short months, she went from having a head of luxurious dark brown hair to looking like Grandmama on the…
Osama’s Cave Getting Too Crowded
(Information received by word of mouth via the north Pakistan grapevine) Osama bin Laden’s cave has become crowded beyond capacity due to President Obama’s decision to send an additional 30,000 US troops to Afghanistan. Every Taliban member not busy committing…
Crematorium Imposes Fatties Ban
The relatives of a 40-stone (254 kg) man from Scumerset informed a reporter for the Mass Graves Gazette that the undertaker had advised them the deceased’s body was too heavy for cremation. Frank McGrunt, a 95-year old former meat pie…
Famously Tall Playground Delights Children, Actuarials
In the heart of the coolest part of Missoula, Montana, and I assure you such a place can and does exist, is a playground park like no other I’ve ever seen. When I say it’s the tallest playground ever, I…
Fir Trees Being Kidnapped Mysteriously Around The World
Thousands of fir trees have been mysteriously disappearing from forests around the Western world in the last few weeks. Forest rangers making their rounds have been shocked to find many conifers, mostly young ones between three and six feet tall,…
‘No Hoodies’ Policy vs ‘Old Time Religion’
The draconian dipshit management of Monty Mamon’s Shopping Arcade at Skidrow-on-Sea have come under severe criticism due their inflexible ‘No Hoodies’ policy. The rigid enforcement of the regulation resulted in a detail of psychopathic Albanian immigrant Gestapo wannabes – on…
China’s Economic, High-Tech Transformation and its Bright (scary?) Future
From Chairman Mao’s era of Agricultural focused economy to Deng Xiaoping’s Opening up and Reform policies, inviting in foreign investments to build mainly a Light Industry focused economy in China, China has transformed a great deal in the last 3…