City of Toronto Press Office Issues City Obituary
DEATH NOTICE – The City of Toronto — The City of Toronto (known to her friends as The Greater Toronto Area or GTA for short) expired on November 14th in the Council Chamber of City Hall. The immediate cause of…
Dozens Trampled Over Obamacare Holiday Sale
In what is already being called the worst accident since Walmart’s Black ThurFriday Sale, dozens of people were trampled when crowds broke through library barriers trying to take advantage of Obama’s “Buy One Get One Free” holiday health care plan…
Original Poster Is Actually a Bundle of Sticks
Today the internet was shocked and quite frankly a little turned on by a new discovery: OP (or original poster) is a faggot. Internet researchers are still trying to figure out how a bundle of sticks is responsible for every…
Insider Opens Shelter for Regretful & Embittered Advertisers
Dateline: NEW YORK—Hugo “Sellout” Slickster, a recovering ex-advertiser, opened The Center for Alienated and Cynical Advertisers (CACA). Its mission is to provide support for advertisers who are withdrawn and embittered because their job forces them to dehumanize consumers and thus…
Rush Limbaugh Blasts Pope Francis & the Jesus he Rode in on!
Responding to Pope Francis’s warning that the “idolatry of money” leads to a “new tyranny,” the conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh spoke on behalf of the demonic powers that govern the material world and that only genuine followers…
New York As Seen Through The Eyes Of its Cultists-Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese
New York has always fascinated the writer, the artist, the poet and the thousand of gawking tourists who hang around outside the Good Morning America show hoping they’ll get filmed for their family to see back in Wichita. But everyone…
Sarah Palin wants to save Christmas. You can help by buying her new book
Christmas Day is just around the corner, a time of peace and love and harmony, unless you’re Jewish. But this year, our Christian values of tolerance and forgiveness are being overwhelmed by a cataclysmic war on a scale the world…
Mourner of Paul Walker Attacked over “Irony”
VALENCIA, California – Those close to Paul Walker and people just trying to get on the news gathered at a memorial for the “Fast and Furious” actor who had died in a single-car crash with his friend in Valencia. He…
Republicans Finally Come Up With Health Care Plan For ‘Those People’
The Republicans, after years of doing nothing but bash President Obama’s Health Care Act, have at last introduced one of their own. Pooling their vast knowledge of human caring with aid from their endless sources of think tanks they have…
Backward-Walking Politician has Limited Use of Political Platitudes
Due to a rare neurological disorder, Rupert Farfenoogle can walk only backwards. He can’t face backwards, so he uses a system of rearview mirrors strapped around his upper arms to see where he’s walking. From a young age, Mr. Farfenoogle…