Local Parents Counting the Seconds Until Holidays End
Worchester, MA – The Henderson parents have had it. “I never thought I’d say it, but it was easier when they were all in high school,” Richard, 49 year-old father and certified accountant, said. His wife Tabatha agreed, and admitted…
78% of Radio Shack 1993 Catalog Is on Your Phone, but Better
I recently got to reminiscing of days gone by. When I was young, carefree, and studied the Radio Shack catalog even more religiously than religion, and I was religious. When I realized, all those gizmos and gadgets I so desperately…
Meek Taking Early Inheritance of Earth and Evicting All Sinners
MUSKEGON, MI – The Meek, who are mentioned a couple of times in the Bible as the heirs to Earth*, have finally had enough of their un-meek counterparts, i.e. the Sinners, and are close to having God grant their request…
Astronauts Bitch About Having to Work on Christmas Eve
Astronauts having to install a coolant pump outside NASA’s International Space Station on Christmas Eve had a few choice words about their employers. “I thought once you had a government job you never had to work on holidays again. Bull%&$#!!!”…
How the Rich Stole Christmas
Now the middle of classes were middler than most They had oodles of things on which they could boast. They had cars, and houses, and TVs and more They were boasting and boasting of goodies galore. Til one day the…
Duck Dynasty Christmas Not All It Was Quacked Up to Be
Christmas at the Robertsons’ homes wasn’t as merry and bright as it could have been had it not been for the family’s patriarch, Phil Robertson, spouting off about what he truly believes. Apparently Mr. Robertson didn’t get the memo declaring…
Oil Companies Have Reversed Idea Of The Spirit Of Christmas
Oil companies, some of the wealthiest entities on earth, have somehow a skewered idea of what Christmas is supposed to be about. This is due to their RAISING the price of gasoline for the holiday week instead of in the…
Christmas Eve Massacre Leaves 15 Dead, Red-Nosed Reindeer in Custody
A lone shooter killed 15 in a bloody Christmas Eve massacre at the North Pole, sparking pandemonium when he lobbed a smoke bomb into a reindeer pen and opened fire from the roof atop Santa’s workshop. North Pole law enforcement…
The Joker’s YouTube Video Fails to Trend
The Joker flew into a rage following failure of his new YouTube video to go viral. Efforts to sedate him similarly failed due to his high tolerance to anti-psychotic drugs. According to psychiatrists at Arkham,” Hell, his half-assed effort to…
Ann Romney Accidentally Leaves Husband Mitt at Gas Station
A preview released by Netflix last week on its upcoming documentary Mitt shows the robotic Presidential candidate appearing human. While it may be somewhat of a stretch for most to believe, it is important to note that Mitt Romney did…