Gwyneth Paltrow Fitted for Muzzle, Treated for Diarrhea of the Mouth
Los Angeles, CA – Some people don’t know when to shut up. Such is the case with actress Gwyneth Paltrow. Her mouth has gotten her in hot water with critics again and, this time, drastic measures have been taken to…
“Gays of Future Past” Promotes X-rated Agenda
Once again, Hollywood is seeking to undermine time-tested family values. First it was The Dark Knight Rises, featuring its new villain, Bane, as a direct attack on the Romney campaign. Then came Frozen, with its ideals of female independence and…
Santa Barbara Killer’s Motive Baffles Eggheads, Know-It-All Professors
Santa Barbara, CA – As the country tries to make sense of the recent tragedy in California, the nation’s elite are always quick to point out the answers to those of us who aren’t nearly as smart as they are….
John Kerry Threatens to Beat the Shit Out Of Edward Snowden
US Secretary of State John Kerry asked government whistleblower Edward Snowden to return to the US so he can “personally beat the shit out of him.”
The Blame In Ukraine Lies Mainly in The Brain (of Putin)
Russian separatists in Ukraine, eager to show the world just how diplomatic and democratic they are in their newly taken over territory, smashed voting tables, threatened vote takers and surrounded the home of a man vocally in support of elections…
Former MTV Host Arrested For Breaking Into Sirius/XM Headquarters
New York City – Mark Goodman, a former VJ from the 1980’s heyday of MTV, was hauled away in handcuffs last week after being caught hitting the button that turns all Sirius/XM radios on, regardless of whether the customer has…
California Considers Move to Ban ‘Blonde Sluts’ After Man Goes on Rampage Because He Never Got Any
Isla Vista, CA – A delusional, 22 year-old man went on a premeditated killing spree Friday night in an attempt to get “retribution”, as he stated it, for the slight he felt humanity had given him. His hatred focused on…
President Obama Vows to Punish the Guilty in VA Scandal, Unless They Happen to be Federal Workers
Washington, D.C. – President Obama sternly admitted that no one in the country is more outraged than he over the news coming out of the VA scandal in which numerous veterans have lost their lives waiting for medical care. Nobody…
NRA Succeeds In Taking Over U.S.- Bans All Amendments Except Second
The NRA has at last accomplished their goal of taking over the government of what was once was the United States of America. Initiating a ploy that they were rebels against an unfair, repressive political entity, they succeeding in hiding…
After Botched Execution, Oklahoma Replaces Lethal Injection with “Death by Dumbo”
Following the “incomplete” execution of Clayton Locket in Oklahoma earlier this month, the Oklahoma legislature has voted to replace lethal injection with “Death by Dumbo”. Dumbo, a rogue circus elephant convicted of killing his long time handler in the late…