Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe
San Francisco – The city council has approved spending tens of millions of dollars to construct a system of safety nets under the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to thwart future suicide attempts which have plagued the landmark for…
Scientists: Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection between Their Stash & Murderous Drug Cartels
Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot. It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long…
Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border
Laredo, TX – The federal government has opened a new no-kill shelter in this border town to help find homes for thousands of new illegal immigrants who continue flooding into the country. In the past, if an illegal alien sneaked…
“My Hard Drive Crashed” In as Most Used Excuse, “Dog Ate my Homework” Out
Rio Linda, CA – People have excuses for everything. For years, kids have notoriously used the well-known excuse, “My dog ate my homework”, when wanting to excuse why they didn’t do their homework.
Scientists determine 87% of people who put their hands in the air actually don’t care
The other 13% are easily influenced by crowds.
Brazilian Boy Steals Joke from Friend; Gets Publicly Hanged
A young Brazilian boy, accused of stealing a simple joke from his classmate and friend, was found hanged in front of his home, a pile of human shit piled against one another. The young boy’s mother was left crying her…
IRS Commissioner Gollum Gets Grilled by Congress About His Precious Agency
Washington D.C. – This week has not been kind to Gollum and his “precious” agency, the Internal Revenge Service, as the creature has been on the hot seat having to answer for the mysterious disappearance of Lois Lerner’s relevant emails.
Cattle Rancher Cliven Bundy Actually a Front For Putin’s Seizure of American Territory
The word is out on Nevada renegade cattle rancher Cliven Bundy. Recent evidence has shown that the cantankerous old cow rebel who refused to pay the government for using BLM land for grazing is actually a front man for Russian…
Univision Goes Bankrupt After Soap Operas are Banned in the U.S
After Congress presented the U.S with a bill called “HIJO DE SU PUTA MADRE”, the corporation responsible for distributing the Hispanic culture’s entertainment programs on television, Univision, was declared bankrupt, leaving thousands in ruin and on the streets. One man,…
New California Law Requires College Student to Have Written Consent Before Sex
A new California law requires that before engaging in any type of sexual encounter, college students must first sign a legal document to authorize the act or acts to take place and must be witnessed by at least one uninvolved…