Category: Top Stories
Kagan Birth Certificate Controversy
ODESSA, Texas Commonwealth (GlossyNews) — While it was initially believed Elena Kagan’s Supreme Court nomination would move ahead with only token opposition, such hopes are fading as Congress begins the summer recess. Backed by the Tea Party affiliated Citizens for…
Nevada Republican Senate Candidate Pimping Herself to the Media
RENO, Nevada (GlossyNews) — Sharron Angle, the Republican candidate running against Harry Reid for a Senate seat in November has an angle alright. She has come right out and told the media that she’s willing to show up on their…
Castro Warns of Nuclear War. Blames “Damn Kids on Lawn.”
HAVANA, Cuba – (GlossyNews) Cuban leader, Fidel Castro, delighted Cuba’s Parliament with his first public appearance in over four years. A strong, healthy, and vigorous Castro amazed Cuba’s leaders and the assembled press corps alike with his deep grasp of…
Economy Ramps Up – But Workers Have All Starved To Death
STURGIS, Mississippi (GlossyNews) — The bailout recovery has finally come full circle as the recipients have finally stabilized their companies and are ready to rehire their workers. A shock came about, however, when it was found out that most of…
Poor Banned from Using Money
Today in the US the upper classes succeeded in getting a bill passed banning poor people from using money. “Money is too good for them.” stated Raymond Emory III, a third generation trust funder, “They only spend it on the…
Mexican Drug Gangs Boycott Arizona Over Immigration Law
PHOENIX, Arizona (GlossyNews) — Joining a rising tide of protest boycotts of the state, leaders from several prominent Mexican drug gangs announced their intention to avoid doing business in Arizona until the State Legislature reverses its controversial new immigration law….
Bank Deemed ‘Too Big to Succeed’
NEW YORK (GlossyNews) — Analysts predict a drop in equity markets this week, in the wake of unexpected SEC announcements. Investment giant Guildenstern & Rosencrantz, long a Wall Street presence, is to be liquidated. The word came from Under Assistant…
Seuss Estate Files For Restraining Order Against Vuvuzela Manufacturer
HOOVILLE, Nova Scotia (GlossyNews) — The estate of Dr. Seuss has filed a restraining order against the manufacturer of the plastic horn known as the Vuvuzela, claiming copyright infringement. The order, handed down in the National Court of South Africa,…
Bjork, Pirates, Determined To Help Iceland Out of Economic Hardship
REYKJAVIK, Iceland (GlossyNews) — Pop singer Bjork (pronounced BEE-YORKKKKK, just like you are upchucking a bad pizza), always a fountainhead of new and eccentric ideas, has decided to help alleviate Iceland’s terrible economic problems. Iceland, long a self reliant land,…
We Are Taking Over This Website To Show You This Message
A MESSAGE TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES Official notification is hereby given by venue of this website to all citizens of the United States that the government of said land is dissolved and that the entity formerly known…