Category: Top Stories
Osama Bin Laden Found by San Francisco Crackhead
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (Glossy News) — October 5, 2010, was as any other day in San Francisco. Tenderloin beat cop Mike McKenna stepped into his routine that morning, patrolling the stretch of Leavenworth that starts at Market Street and ends…
Meg Whitman Found Huddled in Pantry Crying “Where’s My Money?”
ATHERTON, Calif. (GlossyNews) — Meg Whitman, the former CEO of eBay, has spent upwards of $160 million of her own money in a run for California Governor, which easily tops the private spending of any candidate elsewhere in the entire…
Banks Face Fines for Murdering Delinquent Homeowners
DOVER, Delaware (GlossyNews) – Justice Department investigators confirmed today they are considering possible fines and other penalties against several of the United States’ largest financial institutions for the murders of hundreds of homeowners delinquent in their mortgage payments. The Justice…
Hillary Clinton’s Gum Chewing Sparks International Crisis
Wrigley Fjord, East Sweden (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Though she is officially America’s top diplomat, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton committed a grievous etiquette faux pas today by chewing gum in the presence of…
Tweetle Beetle Tactics To Be Used By The Military
In 1965, Dr. Theodore “Seuss” Geisel published his war study, “Fox in Socks.” The final 20% of the book discusses tactics and strategy employed by Tweetle Beetles in battle conditions. One sentence reads: “When beetles fight their battles in a…
FOX “Frankenfans” Plot To Annihilate Liberals Revealed
A bizarre plot has been uncovered that is sending chills down the spines of many liberals, free thinkers and political independents. A leaked memo from the highest levels of FOX News to leaders of the top ultra conservative movements reveals…
Glenn Beck, Charles Manson Powwow on How to Start a Race War
Witnesses claim a shadowy figure identified as Fox News agitator, professional racist, Tea Party provocateur and self-anointed Godsend, Glenn Beck, was seen moving in and out of the visitation chambers of Corcoran State Prison recently. The target of his attention?…
Pres. Hopeful Bargis Tryhol’s Economic Recovery Plan Makes Good Sense?
Honored writer, and now United States presidential candidate for the upcoming 2012 elections, Bargis Tryhol finally revealed his own Economic Stimulus plan to a throng of reporters outside his Gainesville mobile home. Bargis Tryhol, the endearing and witty writer turned…
FOX Struggles To Replace “Fair And Balanced” With More Accurate Slogan.
FOX News, painfully aware of the hypocrisy behind their using of the motto ‘Fair And Balanced’ when it is obvious to all with at least two eyes in their head that they are a major blow-horn for right wing shills,…
Jesus Declines Dinner Invite from Congresswoman Michele Bachmann
“Sorry, Michele, I’m busy that night,” was the unfortunate reply to Congresswoman, Michele Bachmann’s invitation to dinner to none other than Jesus Christ, her personal Lord and Savior. The woman from Minnesota was crushed. “Sure, I got definite yeses from…