Category: Biz News
Blowback from Koch Story from (Un)likely A-Hole
We recently ran a story about the infamous Koch brothers’ wealth. Their wealth has increased $33 billion since the horrible Obama took office, but apparently that’s not enough of a story for some random jackass from the internet. So let’s…
Nine Nasty Reasons to Never Shop at Best Buy
It would be too easy to go into the daily fraud perpetrated by suckering trusting customers into buying gold-plated HDMI cables. Sure, they sell cables at 5,000% markup on the odd hour, but that aside, they’re terrible, incompetent and wholly…
Adorable Indianapolis Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It a Major City
INDIANAPOLIS – As the Super Bowl nears its conclusion, the quite adorable city of Indianapolis is still desperately trying to convince the rest of the country that it is a major metropolis. Pulling in thousands of football fans from the…
Walmart Discontinues Slim, Regular Cuts in Favor of Husky Sizes
Walmart, the undisputed reigning purveyor of plus-sized clothes in America at any price, has announced this week that they will discontinue sales of “slim” and “regular” cuts in favor of an all-husky line of clothing. “It just makes sense,” says…
Full-Time Mom ‘Looking to Go Part-Time’
INDIANAPOLIS – Full-time mother of three, Stephanie Grantham, 22, has indicated to friends and relatives that she is about to go part-time in an effort to advance her dwindling social life. Miss Grantham, who has spent 5 years managing her…
Architects Debate Positive Uses of Nerve Gas
Today in Geneva the International Architects Association (the I. A. ASS) met to discuss their position on the use of nerve gas in warfare. Two factions have argued repeatedly about the issue, but never adopting a formal stance to lobby…
Established, High-Karma Reddit Accounts Being Sold
Apparently your karma is worth more than you know. All those years of clicking and commenting on stories, maybe they’re actually worth something. One site has Reddit accounts for sale, and they’re not shy about it. ThePublicityFirm.com says “We have…
TGIT – Thank God It’s Tuesday
Last November and December, I experienced some shortened work weeks thanks to the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Both holidays were preceded by shortened three-day work weeks, so I had to be extremely focused, making efficient use of every minute of…
Guy Who Otherwise Wouldn’t Give Two Shits About You Would Like to Know How that Food is Tasting
INDIANAPOLIS – Despite not really giving a flying fuck about you or your shitty feelings, Applebee’s server and part time student Josh Penticuff would really like to know how those chicken dippers are working out for you today. Penticuff, who…
General Mills Out of Egypt: We’re Not Coup-Coup for These Cocoa Puffs
International food conglomerate and global diabetes proponent General Mills this week announced that they’ll be shuttering operations in Egypt, following unrest, citing “things to cuckoo even for us.” The 2nd largest buyer of corn syrup in the history of the…