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Steroid Use Gets Satirist Banned from Covering 2012 Olympics

Steroid Use Gets Satirist Banned from Covering 2012 Olympics

Johnny B. Rotten, a writer who makes his living making fun of the people who make the world an interesting place to live, has officially been banned from covering the 2012 Olympic Games in London. Rotten is accused of illegal use of steroids while penning some articles leading up to the games.

“He is completely out of his mind when he’s on steroids,” claims one writer who, before now, had nothing but the utmost respect for one of the best satirists in America. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, World News8 Comments

Opening Ceremonies to Switch to ‘Hunger Games’ Format

Opening Ceremonies to Switch to ‘Hunger Games’ Format

LONDON – The International Olympic Committee (IOC) today announced plans to dramatically alter the usual format of the Opening Ceremonies, moving away from the traditional vibe of peace and goodwill and opting instead for a Hunger Games-style fight to the death.

The committee responsible for organizing the Opening Ceremonies, which will be held this upcoming Friday, claims the move was made to attract viewers and boost ratings. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events5 Comments

As Olympics Open Michael Phelps Tests Positive for Performance-Enhancing Arms

As Olympics Open Michael Phelps Tests Positive for Performance-Enhancing Arms

BALTIMORE, MD – The world of athletics was left stunned Tuesday after the announcement that 14-time Olympic gold medalist swimmer Michael Phelps has tested positive for performance-enhancing arms.

The world renowned swimmer, who won eight gold medals at the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, was found to have an arm span measuring 6 feet 7 inches – some 12 inches longer than the average swimmer. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk6 Comments

Tally Ho: Preview of the London 2012 Summer Olympics

Tally Ho: Preview of the London 2012 Summer Olympics

LONDON ENGLAND27 July, 2012 – Reuters Newswire The 2012 London Summer Games have officially begun. The breathtakingly beautiful new venue known as London Olympic Stadium (scheduled to be completed just in time for the 2016 Summer Games in Rio) was the site of an exhilarating opening ceremonies. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Sports Events1 Comment

Behind The Scenes At The 2012 London Summer Olympics

Behind The Scenes At The 2012 London Summer Olympics

SCENE: London General Hospital
TIME: The 2012 Summer Olympic Games

The emergency telephone rings.

Nurse: London General.

Voice on phone: Ambulance 253 here! We’re bringing in a code 5. Six patients in all. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events0 Comments

IOC Announces Compulsory Drug Use for London Olympics

IOC Announces Compulsory Drug Use for London Olympics

After decades of what could only be described as a tail-chasing nightmare of anabolic proportions, International Olympic Committee president Jaques Rogge has announced that this years London Olympics will involve compulsory performance enhancing drug use for all competitors. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events, Sports Scandals1 Comment

Elway-Manning for America 2012

Elway-Manning for America 2012

Area man Peyton Manning had just gotten laid off from work. Within 48 hours, he knew what he had to do. He hopped on a plane and headed to Denver. John Elway, Broncos exec, was waiting for him.

“Sorry about your neck, fella,” John commiserated, in his signature Fred Thompson croak. With four surgeries to his neck, Peyton had been seriously laid up for the first time in his working life. The neck stuck him on the sideline with $23 million in workers comp. Now, used goods for the old boss, he was on the street. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Manning Joins Broncos, Tebow Converts to Paganism

Manning Joins Broncos, Tebow Converts to Paganism

DENVER, Colorado – “There is more than one God,” Tim Tebow said in awe after watching Peyton Manning complete yet another pass in practice. “There’s just no other explanation.”

The Broncos’ ex-quarterback, known less for his passing skills than for his prayer timeouts and his genuflections after any positive gain on offense, stood in astonishment as he watched the 4-time MVP award winner take his job away with casual throws to members of the practice squad. “God is not almighty,” Tebow explained, “He’s got nothing on Manning when They’re on the football field.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports0 Comments

Random Pointlessness Takes the World by Storm

Random Pointlessness Takes the World by Storm

Denizens of the universe have apparently discovered a favorite new sport. Called “Random Pointlessness”, or RP for short, this sport involves a fair amount of hard work and sweat, but nothing remotely resembling intelligence.

Random Pointlessness was invented in Pennsylvania where it quickly surpassed football as the most boring thing to watch on television. Inevitably, RP’s unmatched lack of purpose caused it to quickly become the dominant staple of American entertainment. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports5 Comments

ESPN’s Mel Kiper Picks Himself as #1 Pick in NFL Draft

ESPN’s Mel Kiper Picks Himself as #1 Pick in NFL Draft

Hollywoodland, CA (GlossySports) — ESPN’s latest NFL mock draft surprises many draft pundits, but it comes as absolutely no surprise to football analyst Mel Kiper, Jr.

Speaking to reporters earlier today, he defended his latest top draft pick projection. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sportsfolk0 Comments

MMAs Dennis Hallman Explains Wearing Tight Speedos in UFC Fight

MMAs Dennis Hallman Explains Wearing Tight Speedos in UFC Fight

MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) fighter Dennis “Superman” Hallman caused quite a stir Saturday night when he walked into the UFC ring wearing a too-tight pair of Speedo trucks to take on opponent Brian Ebersole.

UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) President Dana White claims later he was totally embarrassed watching the fight with, as he put it “Hallman’s junk practically in my face.” In fact, he was so offended that after Ebersole beat Hallman in the fight, White rewarded him (Ebersole) with a $70,000 bonus for “getting those horrific shorts out of the ring.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals0 Comments

Rock Climbing- A Sport For The Daring And The Deranged

Rock Climbing- A Sport For The Daring And The Deranged

Rock Climbing: A Sport for the Daring And the Deranged – Part I

Life is not interesting enough for some people, so they come up with sports like rock climbing to compensate for it. Rock climbing is the sport where people (many of whom have not fully advanced on the scale of total human evolution, still possessing more of the simian attributes for climbing, not to mention they are hairy as hell) climb up rocks, ie. BIG rocks like MOUNTAINS) on skimpy ropes that resemble oversized clotheslines. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports3 Comments

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