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North/South Korea Talks Falter, Cancel Family Reunion

North/South Korea Talks Falter, Cancel Family Reunion

High level negotiations establishing a reunion for separated families in North and South Korea broke down Wednesday over a miscommunication on venue.

After several weeks it was believed representatives had agreed to hold the event at Disney World this August and included a talent show, karaoke and a Korean War reenactment for children under 12.

However, North Korean diplomats balked when the South Korean delegates consistently mentioned Orlando Florida. Continue Reading

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Tea Party Calls for Deportation Of Illegal South African Minors

Tea Party Calls for Deportation Of Illegal South African Minors

In a rare show of solidarity, three major Tea Party groups have come together and issued a joint statement calling for the arrest and deportation of illegal minors in South Africa.

“Illegals are law breaking free loaders who steal jobs and drain public coffers while contributing little to decent white colonial societies.

That they are under age is a great abomination to people who hold traditional values about family, marriage, abortion, a woman’s place in the home and who have a justifiable fear of God.”

The statement went on to say “South Africa’s natural resources make it a gold mine for parasites and this is a prime example of what happens when a nation fails to secure it’s borders.

“South Africa is overrun with illegal minors…smelly, short, brown and uneducated who just traipsed right in because real South Africans didn’t have the God given balls to build an electrified fence across it’s southern border”.

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Royal Caribbean Granted Special Status by the CDC

Royal Caribbean Granted Special Status by the CDC

Atlanta, GA – Royal Caribbean Cruise Line announced today that its cruise ships have been granted special status as “National Centers For Emerging and Zoonotic Infectious Diseases” by the Atlanta based US health authority Centers for Disease Control (CDC).

Royal Caribbean Public Relations Director Nora Salmon said “This is a win-win for Royal Caribe, the CDC and octagenarians worldwide. Royal Caribbean gets a pass on burdensome health regulations while avoiding damaging press reports when the occasional norovirus breaks out.” Continue Reading

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New Dogfish Head Brew a Blatz from the Past

New Dogfish Head Brew a Blatz from the Past

Delaware based brewery Dogfish Head has released the newest in its Ancient Ale Series to mixed reviews. Dogfish Head first re-created Midas Touch from residue found on 2700 year old pottery fragments discovered in a tomb in Turkey.

And after extensive testing to determine the ingredients, all indications are that this brew is likely what killed the guy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Travel0 Comments

Kayak.com Now Offering Tropical Vacations to North Pole

Kayak.com Now Offering Tropical Vacations to North Pole

NP-40 DRIFTING ICE STATION, NORTH POLE — Travel-discount website Kayak.com recently launched a new promotional package featuring an all-inclusive, tropical vacation to the North Pole, sources report.

According to the website’s homepage, the promotional package offers a six day, five night stay in “the world’s newest tropical paradise.” Continue Reading

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TSA Agent Impregnates Passenger

TSA Agent Impregnates Passenger

In news which may come as a huge shock to frequent flyers in the United States, Leanne Ackerman, 28, was somehow accidentally impregnated by a TSA agent of the same gender during an enhanced security pat-down, popularly known as the ‘TSA Grope’.

“It’s the only way I could have become pregnant, really,” Ms. Ackerman said, breastfeeding her two-month-old son during our interview.

“The woman obviously didn’t change her gloves between me and the last passenger she examined like she’s supposed to, or she engaged in some sexual act with one of her male colleagues while wearing them, so when she thrust her fingers into my vajayjay multiple times, she must have carried sperm into it from those gloves. I mean, I’ve never had a partner and I’m still a virgin, so I couldn’t have become pregnant any other way.” Continue reading

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Posted in Crooked Cops, Travel2 Comments

Child Dodges Trip to National Park

Child Dodges Trip to National Park

Eleven-year-old Ted Ews has narrowly avoided having to go on a Sunday outing with his family to Big Bend National Park, in Texas.

“No,” he shouted, stomping his foot, when his father, Barry, first voiced the idea during dinner the night before. “No. No. No. No. No. No. No.”

Fortunately, a government shutdown closed the park the next day, making the trip impossible.

“It’s so sad,” said his mother, Elizabeth, while the family sat down for breakfast. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Travel0 Comments

Indiana Fails to Make Top 50 ‘Most Interesting States In the Union’

Indiana Fails to Make Top 50 ‘Most Interesting States In the Union’

INDIANAPOLIS – Following a year-long study by the United States Census Bureau, the state of Indiana found itself just missing out on a top fifty position in a list of the most interesting states in the union Saturday.

Despite having hosted the Superbowl earlier this year, the Hoosier State – which boasts hundreds of miles of eye-catching cornfields in any direction, as well as approximately 1,200 dilapidated barn-houses statewide – placed 51st. Continue Reading

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Delta Passenger Relieved Pilot Named Wendell

Delta Passenger Relieved Pilot Named Wendell

THE SKY—While onboard Delta flight 326 field sales representative and coach passenger Herman Adler reported the fact that he experienced a feeling of relief upon learning that the pilot’s name was Wendell.

“Sounds like a level-headed guy,” said Adler.

Adler went on to discuss the comfort he took in knowing the plane he was traveling in was piloted by someone named Wendell. Continue Reading

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Kids Singing Endless Road Song About to Be Amber Alerts

Kids Singing Endless Road Song About to Be Amber Alerts

You remember that song you sang as a kid to drive the bus driver crazy? Well yeah, imagine it’s that one, except it’s with your parents, and that there’s literally no way for them to get away from you.

That’s basically what this cartoon is about. They didn’t sing that particular bottles-of song on the trip, but they did plenty of other smite-worthy things. We’re home now and they’re all still alive (so far as you know,) but they did run us adults to the ragged edge.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

Brian is on temporary personal leave but has left us with an innumerous backlog of comics to share until his return. Check back for daily updates.

roadtrip-bottles-of-butt

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Welcome to Seattle – The Land the Sun Forgot

Welcome to Seattle – The Land the Sun Forgot

Excellent holiday pictures can be taken using a 16 megapixel Nikon digital camera.

[This message brought to you by the Greater Seattle Tourist Information Bureau.]

Greetings, visitor. Welcome to Seattle. If this is your first time to the Emerald City, we’d like to share some fun facts about our great city to help you plan your trip. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Travel0 Comments

A Return to Australian Animals from Hell

A Return to Australian Animals from Hell

This is the second in a series of two wonderful articles about horrible, vicious, dangerous, hideous, disgusting Australian animals that for some reason contain no mention of Rupert Murdoch.

(Note to reader, this article does not contain information about horrible, vicious Australians, although many consider them to be in the category of animals as well. Continue Reading

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Posted in Travel1 Comment

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