Category: Strange People
Certain ‘Forces’ Send In The Cheney To Take Care Of Lame Duck Government.
Eager to take over the U.S. government as swiftly as possible after winning major seats in the Senate and Legislature, ‘certain forces’ within our system have called on a specialist to rid the organization of its ‘lame duck’ elements. Operating…
Local Man Preemptively Places Decorative Christmas Deer in Doggy Style Position
WICHITA – On Monday afternoon local man and self-described holiday enthusiast Phillip Bakers preemptively arranged his two decorative outdoor Christmas reindeer, a common addition to the front yards of many Christian Americans, in the doggy style position. “I know that…
Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (2)
-Peter, great loyalty demands great sacrifice As you found out last time, the entire Glossy News team has been arrested on fake charges for prostitution… Although a certain informer called Wallace Runnymede (who shall remain anonymous, in order to have…
LGBTQQ Community Finally Exhausts Alphabet
It’s finally happened. The non-traditional sexuality and gender communities have exhausted the alphabet in their attempts to include everyone under one umbrella acronym. Starting in the 1990s, those of different sexual persuasions started describing themselves as part of the LGBT…
Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (1)
The End of The Truth? Glossynews, as you all no doubt agree (merely because WE say so; reason enough, right?!), is the single most… sorry, the SINGLE AND SOLE respected media outlet in the world. Well, in a world filled…
“A Drunkard’s Dream If I Ever Did See One”
This phrase from ‘Up On Cripple Creek’ by The Band pretty well sums up the first and perhaps the last conscious impression that one would have of Hurley, Wisconsin. I had heard a couple times from people in Ironwood, Michigan…
Wahhabis, Southern Baptists Ban Side-boob; Episcopalians Undecided
Love ‘em or hate ‘em; but like death, taxes, and embarrassingly contrived and preposterous MSNBC op-eds, side-boobs are here to stay. Yup: never mind bitterly warring and counter-warring and counter-counter-counter-owch-a-doodle-warring Social Justice Warriors on Tumblr; or Hamilton Nolan’s online privilege…
David Duke “Clarifies” Anti-Semitic Comments
Famously-allegedly-ish “non-racist™” White supremacist; oh sorry, how un-PC; I meant achingly conspicuous “racial realist™” David Duke has popped out (sorry, popped up) once again. Yes, His Most Exalted Ideological Hipsterness has recently expressed what he calls his “utmost sincere contrition…
Kim Jong Takes Un Step Toward Hollywood
TO: My dear subjects FROM: Your Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un I want to apologize for not informing you of my whereabouts for almost six weeks this past fall and causing you undue heartache and concern but, of course, I cannot….
Kerry Orders Airstrikes on Charlie
Everybody (more or less) seems to love Charlie, the moody animated horse from Sugarcandy Mountain; yet, it seems he hasn’t got a friend in John Kerry, as you’ll read. Really? Can that really be possible? Well, the notoriously ranty and…