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Specialty Themed Haunted Houses

Specialty Themed Haunted Houses

In the latest craze to hit the Halloween crowd horror fans are creating Haunted Houses for very specific groups. Each is tailor made to scare the bone marrow out of their target audience.

Democratic Party Horror House- Horrors of a Republican dominated government are the main theme of this scary house. Ronald Reagan, Bob Dole and Strom Thurmond disguised zombies roam the halls terrorizing the Democratic pure of heart. Continue Reading

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MTV Promises to Literally Double Gross by 2015

MTV Promises to Literally Double Gross by 2015

MTV, long known as the first choice in late-night music and regular hours infomercials and reality porn-fer-tainment has set an ambitious goal; to double their gross by 2015, and they’re committed to scraping the gross bottom of the barrel to make it happen.

“We’re thinking maybe a show about sexy little people who are also mentally challenged, or a show about sufferers of gigantism who have very small genitalia, but very high sex drives,” said MTV president Stephen K. Friedman. “That would easily be twice as gross, right?” Continue Reading

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Collector David Koch Invites Reporters to View His Coveted Cash Heaps

Collector David Koch Invites Reporters to View His Coveted Cash Heaps

Billionaire businessman David Koch, known for his political activism, entrepreneurial prowess and world-renowned collection of money has invited photographers and journalists in to see his private collection first hand.

David and his brother Charles both inherited a large, private collections of money from their father, Fred Koch, the chemical engineer responsible for building refineries which would eventually make their sons world-class businessmen* and even greater collectors in his footsteps. Continue Reading

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Study: Illegal Gun Owners Have Larger Genitalia

Study: Illegal Gun Owners Have Larger Genitalia

In a recent study published jointly by the NAACP and the NCAA, it has been found that those possessing firearms illegally have a penis, on average, three inches longer.

“It’s true,” said Rebecca Haywood, spokeswoman and study researcher. “I’ve seen every man through this detention center in the past month, and I have to say, guys who don’t have [concealed license] permits are bigger in the penis by two standard deviations.” Continue Reading

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Obama Lets His Bad Self Out All Over The NRA’s LaPierre

Obama Lets His Bad Self Out All Over The NRA’s LaPierre

It was a phone call that President Obama didn’t want to make, but he knew he would eventually have to. He also knew that it would do little good, but that it had to be made anyway. So, on Wednesday, he did. And he was right.

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“Good day, Mr. LaPierre. How are you doing today?”

“Oh, I was OK until you called.” Continue Reading

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UFO Sightings Reignite Debate Over Whether Intelligent Life Exists in Indiana

UFO Sightings Reignite Debate Over Whether Intelligent Life Exists in Indiana

SCOTTSBURG – Following a spate of UFO sightings across southern Indiana Wednesday, debate has intensified once more over whether or not intelligent life exists inside the Hoosier State.

Several disc-shaped crafts hovering over Scottsburg, Indiana were reported to local media yesterday, while as many as three Hoosiers claimed to have been kidnapped briefly by extraterrestrials. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Strange People7 Comments

Forgetful Bush ‘Still Occasionally Turning Up to White House Unannounced’

Forgetful Bush ‘Still Occasionally Turning Up to White House Unannounced’

WASHINGTON D.C. – Sources in Washington D.C. have confirmed that former U.S. President George W. Bush is still forgetfully turning up to the White House unnanounced. He was seen this morning idly walking around the grounds of the White House, apparently forgetful of the fact that he no longer lives there.

Waving to tourists and press photographers, Bush was seen walking his dog Barney around the White House Lawn this morning, just days after several news networks reported that a grey haired Caucasian man was spotted trying to wedge open a window to the Diplomatic Reception Room. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People1 Comment

Area Grandma Thinks Googling is Sex Act

Area Grandma Thinks Googling is Sex Act

A local grandmother has become convinced that “the Google” is an amorous maneuver performed during the sexual act of “Googling.”

After watching a local news segment that profiled young couples who Googled each other after the first date, 74-year-old Gail Howerchuk became confident that to be “Googled” is to have had “the Google” performed on you by a “Googler,” and that the term she keeps hearing “thrown around by the youngins” refers to something having to do with “knick-knack patty-whack.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Strange People0 Comments

Local Hipster Unsure if 20 is Too Many Bracelets

Local Hipster Unsure if 20 is Too Many Bracelets

Jason Just-Jason-Guy comes to this unmarked, semi-private club at least four nights a week to hear bands you’ve never heard of interpreting songs you woulnd’t get, but he wonders if he looks right.

“I put on some bracelets,” explains Jason, “but then I put on some more and some more, and I wonder if I’m being too indie when I do it, you know?” Continue Reading

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Kid Goes Cross-Eyed, Face Gets Stuck That Way

Kid Goes Cross-Eyed, Face Gets Stuck That Way

DERRY, NH—Despite repeated warnings from his parents, an area boy kept going cross-eyed, and now his face is stuck that way.

“We warned him,” stated Sheryl Mackey, the mother of the now handicapped-looking child. “We told him if he kept doing it his face would get stuck that way. And it did. Just like we said.”

“I didn’t believe them,” said downtrodden nine-year-old Greg Mackey, his eyeballs spastically twitching inward. “I thought they were just trying to scare me.” Continue Reading

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NRA Head Wayne LaPierre As A Child Was A Real Monster

NRA Head Wayne LaPierre As A Child Was A Real Monster

A recent biography of NRA Fuhrer Wayne LaPierre shows light on his character that reveals why he is so rabid on the topic of guns and their control.

The new book entitled ‘LaPierre- Assault Mouth’, contains the following passages:

RIGHT: AP image by doctored by Dan Casey.

Chapter 2, page 32, describes a shrieking 6 year old LaPierre running rampant with a scissors in his hand. His teacher, Maura Tarala, trying to take it from him, suddenly found she had a miniature Tasmanian Devil on her hands. Continue Reading

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Morbidly Obese Man’s Wish to Crowd Surf Ends Disatrilariously

Morbidly Obese Man’s Wish to Crowd Surf Ends Disatrilariously

Jacob “Don’t Use My Last Name” Wilberson of Pocatello, Idaho, has had one dream since watching grunge videos in the 90s; to crowd surf.

It came to fruition this week as it also came crashing down with as many newtons in tow as a 419 pound man can muster. According to witnesses, it wasn’t pretty, but it was pretty funny.

Heywood Jalickit told Glossy News, “First of all, I don’t even know how a dude that big gets up on the stage in the first place [what with his waddly, sweaty, stubby little legs,] but then how he can manage to jump off a stage?” Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Strange People0 Comments

How Many Ways Will You Take Shots/Shoots in New Orleans (comic)

How Many Ways Will You Take Shots/Shoots in New Orleans (comic)

We’ve all been in party situations, even if we haven’t been in unbridled places like Matazlan, Cabo or Ibiza for Spring Break. No matter, you likely know the value of a shot, even if it is second hand.

This is the story of a couple taking a weekend to New Orleans, their plans for enjoying it, and the madness that may ensue. Continue Reading

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Posted in Comics, Strange People0 Comments

Mysterious Explosions Rock Goodsprings

Mysterious Explosions Rock Goodsprings

Two days ago, the people of the sleepy town of Goodsprings, who had successfully fought off a group of Powder Gangers only some days before, experienced a series of gas explosions which levelled most of the inhabited buildings.

The mysterious nature of these explosions was that they all had the exact same cause. Continue reading

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Posted in Crime, Strange People0 Comments

Chubby SouthWest Passenger Buys 2nd Seat, Denied 2nd Meal

Chubby SouthWest Passenger Buys 2nd Seat, Denied 2nd Meal

Davis “Name withheld” Johnnson, or as we’ll anonymously call him, “Davis” has been a frequent business flier on SouthWest since the internet startup he’s employed with boomed in 2001. Normally he buys two seats and gets two meals.

“Hey, if I’m going to be that random fat guy, I have to accept that I’m going to have to buy two seats. I get that,” Said Davis anonymously, from his non-descript home at 42 Hummingbird Lane, Oakland, California, just past the green house with all the goofy yard ornaments. Continue Reading

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Woman Thinking Ahead 49 Years Names Newborn Son “Murray”

Woman Thinking Ahead 49 Years Names Newborn Son “Murray”

LANSING, MICH — Area Woman Marcy Keller proudly announced this morning the birth of her healthy, 9 lb., 3 oz. baby boy who, in thinking ahead 49 years into his future, she named “Murray.”

Keller admits that the move to call her son “Murray” is a bit unusual since the name is traditionally given to babies who are born with a mustache, a job, and 43-52 years of painfully inane life under their size-39 belts, but insists that it just makes sense these days, tradition or not. Continue Reading

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