The Vampire And The Vamp

Vampire Dracula Undead

The vampire waited patiently, ravenously in the dark alley. His never ending thirst was a suction within himself that pulled and tore at every organ. Weakened by lack of finding a victim for several nights, he knew he must find one tonight or suffer the internal hells of a ravaging hunger and an unsatisfied lust or die a death that only the undead would need fear. In his emaciated state he knew he must bring down a woman; he would have a better chance of conquest of attacking one of the ‘weaker’ sex and drawing on her scarlet succor that he so badly wanted and needed.

Footsteps approached. Female footsteps. What was left of his human heart beat in anticipation of the intoxication of her fluid nourishment.

She passed; he leapt. She stepped back startled. His hands took her head and waist in their iron grasp; his teeth scissored her neck’s firm flesh. Being thin her veins were easy to penetrate. In relish he sucked in the life he needed.

He gagged. Pulling back sharply, he gasped “Aaaaah! It’s like battery acid!” Fire burned from the acrid solvent he had ingested. It raced through his thin veins like molten lava through melting tubes. Every organ they connected to dissolved into a gruesome mass.

“You bastard!” shrieked the woman, grabbing him and sinking her own teeth into his neck. She drank, thirstily, lustfully and vengefully until he deflated and collapsed.

The stronger had won. Ann Coulter let the emptied vampire fall to the ground, stepping on him and digging in her high heels as she continued on her way. She had things to do, other people to attack, other blood to draw.

She felt profoundly satiated.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at