Breaking News: Woman Claims Trump Didn’t Grope Her

A woman from Broken Springs, Michigan has come forward to insist that Donald Trump has not groped her, despite many opportunities to do so. Allison McGregor, a 47-year-old housekeeper who used to work at Trump’s Mar-o Lago hotel/resort in Florida, told Fox News today that the real estate broker used to visit the hotel at least once a week and on exactly zero occasions did he sexually assault her. Read more Breaking News: Woman Claims Trump Didn’t Grope Her

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Tapped Phone Conversation Between Putin and Assad Proves Revealing

The famous expose website Wakileaks (yes, that is spelled correctly) has successfully tapped into a most intriguing phone call between those two most beloved of dictators in the world- Bashar al-Assad and his Grace Vladimir Putin of Russia. We have the transcript here just as it was translated from the phone tap:

RINGGGGGGG!!!!!

Putin: Hello my old buddy Bashar! How are you doing?

Assad: Ah, Putin! My best friend, my ally, my colleague, the guy who saves my butt! How are you yourself?

Putin: Oh, quite good, old chum. A few miscreant Chechens here and there, but nothing like what you are having to put up with. Read more Tapped Phone Conversation Between Putin and Assad Proves Revealing

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The Great Trump’s First Day As President.

Dolly Darling, the President’s Secretary, excitedly and fearfully puts the finishing touches to the Oval Office, the new lair of her boss Donald Trump. He would be here shortly and she knows all too well how critical he is that everything should be perfect., or at least perfect as Donald Trump sees it. She knocks some lint off the large velvet rendition of Elvis in day glow colors in full rocker mode when he was still young and svelte. It hangs where the portrait of Thomas Jefferson used to. Read more The Great Trump’s First Day As President.

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Trump Riled He’s Not on Anon’s KKK List

Presidential hopeful and media prostitute Donald Trump took to Twitter Thursday evening, erupting at not being included in the Hacktivist organization Anonymous’ KKK list.

The billionaire Trump, whose campaign has revolved around deporting over 11 million illegal aliens if he’s elected President, insisted that he was deliberately omitted from the list in an attempt by Anonymous to attack his character. Read more Trump Riled He’s Not on Anon’s KKK List

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Funny Cat Story: Explanation (More Sensible than the Story)

An anonymous source from Romania emailed me the ‘It’sNoCan’t’ funny cat story as an example of a typical Eastern European fairy tale.

When they contacted me, they claimed they were following a tip from a former vegetable gardener I had met on Snapchat for an impromptu professional gymnastics investment.

However, my memory is hazy about all of this (partly from the passing of many long and happy years in the recent interim), and I can’t say for sure who the person was.

In any case, my source is some kind of an anonymous person of one sort or another, so I respect their (somewhat) sincerely held artistic convictions… Read more Funny Cat Story: Explanation (More Sensible than the Story)

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WikiLeaks Gets An Inside Look At Assad’s “Historic” Meeting With Putin

The famed web expose site WikiLeaks scored a mammoth coup this week with its hidden camera surveillance of the Assad/Putin meeting in Moscow.

The leader of Syria and the President of Russia were presumably meeting to discuss their mutual concerns about the rebellion in Syria. The hidden tapes revealed much more than that.

The following is a direct transcript of the meeting of the two dictators translated into English: Read more WikiLeaks Gets An Inside Look At Assad’s “Historic” Meeting With Putin

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Trumpenstein Horror Now Threatens Republicans

A Rathskeller deep in the forested woods. Night has drawn its blackest curtain across the outer world, blocking out even the niggardly light from the stars.

Rain hammers against the windows and lightning cackles in the air.

A troupe of men with faces that seek the shadows meet in a corner booth away from the gazes of the other inn patrons.

They speak in cautious whispers that they wish no other ears to intrude upon: Read more Trumpenstein Horror Now Threatens Republicans

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Hey Kids: Make Your Own ‘Trump for President’ Bumper Stickers

Hey Kids! Have Some Fun Cutting Out These ‘Trump For President’ Bumper Stickers!!!

Here is what you need for a little summer fun! Just print off these patriotic bumper stickers, snitch a pair of scissors and some glue from your mom when she isn’t looking and have a blast pasting them all over cars in your neighborhood!

What better way to spend a summer day!

What better way to experience juvenile detention at an early age!

Think of all the no-fun you’ll have!

CHUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!
(NO, IT IS SPELLED RIGHT)

PAID FOR BY DEMOCRATS MESSING WITH THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY.

MAKE LIFE BETTER FOR
THE 1%!
VOTE TRUMP!!!!!!!!!

BRING WORLD WAR III IN
WITH A BANG!!!!!!!
TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!

VOTE DONALD TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!!

Keep the political satirists and cartoonists
employed for the next four years!

MAKE AMERICA SAFE FOR THE OLIGARCHY!
MAKE TRUMP THE MAN!!!!!!

PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT IN THE U.S.
ANYONE THROUGH SHEER ARROGANCE
AND AGGRESSIVENESS CAN BECOME PRESIDENT

VOTE TRUMP!!!

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Donald Trump’s War Record

After Donald Trump’s scathing attack on Senator John McCain’s war record the Investigation’s Department here at Glossy News did a little digging into Trump’s own military record.

It turns out that the great Donald also has a legacy of war experience.

Here is what we have uncovered:

As a young child Donald Trump on 10 separate occasions was involved in fierce snowball fights, one even causing injury to his right leg as he was hit by a devious ice-ball. Read more Donald Trump’s War Record

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Exclusive Interview w/ John Hance, Incredible Teller of Big Whoppers at The Grand Canyon

You’ve heard the tales of Paul Bunyan.
You know the exploits of Pecos Bill.
Maybe you’ve heard of the German Baron Munchhausen.
But have you ever heard the legend of John Hance? You will now:

Glossy News has succeeded in gaining an interview with one of the greats of Grand Canyon history- the unforgettable John Hance, the first white man to live at the Grand Canyon and famous story teller from the late 1800’s. Read more Exclusive Interview w/ John Hance, Incredible Teller of Big Whoppers at The Grand Canyon

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An Interview With Osama bin Laden (Yes, we know that he is already dead)

… but we aren’t going to let that stop us…

Glossynews has gained the unique opportunity to interview the infamous terrorist Osama bin Laden, the instigator of the 911 attacks on the U.S..

Reaching him at his present location in Purgatory, we were able to have the following conversation with him –

Glossy – Good day, Mr. bin Laden. How are you? Read more An Interview With Osama bin Laden (Yes, we know that he is already dead)

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Bruce Jenner Debuts New Film Along with Name

NEW YORK CITY – The world received a double dose of Caitlyn Jenner on Monday as the American culture, fashion and politics magazine, Vanity Fair, released their upcoming cover with Caitlyn sitting on a stool and the man-turned-woman also announced participation in an upcoming feature remake being released later in the year. Read more Bruce Jenner Debuts New Film Along with Name

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Exclusive – An Interview With Mrs. Tsarnaev- Mother Of The Boston Bombers

Glossy – Good day, Mrs. Tsarnaev! Thank you for agreeing to do this interview with us.

Mrs. Tsarnaev – You should be thankful, you American sensationalist pig.

Glossy – Um…. well, that gets things off to a rousing start! As long as we are on the subject, why did your family come to America?

Mrs. Tsarnaev – We came here to experience the American Dream.

Glossy – Oh, you mean experiencing freedom and the importunity to make your lives better? Read more Exclusive – An Interview With Mrs. Tsarnaev- Mother Of The Boston Bombers

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Oregon Man Successfully Hides Chin from Wife

Portland, OR—The vanity of the world is reaching new heights, or should I say lows.

Recently in the news, a Korean husband divorced his wife when she birthed an ugly child, an Indian woman left her husband when she discovered he couldn’t spell, and a Mexican man, hell-bent on singlehandedly populating the world, abandoned his wife when he learned she was secretly using birth control. Read more Oregon Man Successfully Hides Chin from Wife

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